Sunday, 10 October 2010

dad, farther and farther away

in the closet
I catch a whiff
I rummage it again 
in the dark,

standing first on one foot
then another-
I can still see you
in the back of my eyes

my closet encloses 
all I hold dear
encircling too
my lonely thoughts

missing you suddenly
after eight years
I can hear you call me-
you reach me with your hug

"you were my centre, I am still the circumference"
Posted by at
Labels: , , ,

37 comments:

  1. Sandra.if10 October 2010 at 08:06

    beautiful!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. anthonynorth10 October 2010 at 09:25

    That last line was perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Harshad mehta10 October 2010 at 09:59

    Just beautiful. Mind holds last line, not wanting to let go of it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Susannah10 October 2010 at 11:08

    I enjoted this... and that last line is wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bookie10 October 2010 at 12:58

    This is interesting, very different....I also looked at your poem about your dad/closet. It is extremely moving...nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. gospelwriter10 October 2010 at 14:14

    I like it - a closet can be a bit like a warm hug, if it contains much of the essence of the one who used it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sweetest in the Gale10 October 2010 at 15:32

    So touching! You captured that moment so vividly.

    ReplyDelete
  8. shanegenziuk10 October 2010 at 16:05

    This is very well done. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. SandyCarlson10 October 2010 at 20:03

    Yes. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  10. irene10 October 2010 at 21:11

    Unexpected tenderness.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Amity11 October 2010 at 05:50

    lovely...dramatic! loved the last line! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ramesh Sood11 October 2010 at 10:11

    I can relate to this some.. well Gautami, its always the end line of your poems that to me always seem to be a beginning for your next thought..

    ReplyDelete
  13. RiikaInfinityy11 October 2010 at 18:04

    great words, love it totally=P

    ReplyDelete
  14. Collective Epiphanies12 October 2010 at 11:38

    Love the quote "you were my centre, I am still the circumference" and your expression. A creative take on the prompt.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Titanium12 October 2010 at 16:37

    You brought the sense, the feeling right in to the room with this beautiful verse. The last line is simply haunting...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Brian Miller12 October 2010 at 17:10

    i love where you take this...and many, i included, long fo that last hug...tight throated i write this...nice one shot!

    ReplyDelete
  17. poemblaze12 October 2010 at 17:29

    a heartfelt poem. the last line is very strong.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mary12 October 2010 at 18:05

    Beautiful and heartfelt poem!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ben Langhinrchs12 October 2010 at 18:55

    Beautiful, but sad.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Teresa12 October 2010 at 19:03

    This is wonderful. It is sad, but truly a beautiful expression of memory.

    ReplyDelete
  21. dustus12 October 2010 at 20:51

    It is very sad and beautiful, such is life, and the sentiment which is crystal clear in the last line.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Bloggin'withAmanda12 October 2010 at 20:52

    this hit home for me I lost my dad one year ago I miss him terribly, and this was so touching!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Andy Sewina13 October 2010 at 05:18

    Wonderful, these memories wil never leave you!

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  24. Eric Alder13 October 2010 at 09:20

    I liked the mathematical last line... a nice One Shot!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Claudia13 October 2010 at 09:36

    such a heartfelt poem - and the last line just blows me away..beautiful

    ReplyDelete
  26. Gabriela Abalo13 October 2010 at 11:15

    heartwarming work.

    great way to remember...

    loveNlight
    Gabi

    ReplyDelete
  27. Linda - Nickers and Ink13 October 2010 at 11:41

    Warm tribute!

    ReplyDelete
  28. the wid0w13 October 2010 at 21:42

    such strong sad longing.. beautifully written

    ReplyDelete
  29. Patti14 October 2010 at 10:24

    I loved that! And I agree- the last line is excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Beachanny14 October 2010 at 10:32

    Still feel that way about my husband. I have a few things left in my closet just because. Beautifully written. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

    ReplyDelete
  31. Cassiopeia Rises14 October 2010 at 14:22

    Tami, this is a truly sad and moving poem.The last ling is sharp with pain."you were my centre, I am still the circumference" Just beautiful.



    Melanie

    ReplyDelete
  32. senderupwords15 October 2010 at 07:49

    Woah... this is beautiful. Last line GOLD STAR! Love and Light, Sender

    ReplyDelete
  33. Jeeves15 October 2010 at 10:00

    Amazing, deep and touching

    ReplyDelete
  34. liv2write2day15 October 2010 at 10:31

    Center/circumference--they form a whole. And one without the other feels incomplete. Nicely expressed.
    Victoria

    ReplyDelete
  35. Enchanted Oak15 October 2010 at 21:23

    I'm glad you came by my place today. Your work is very good, very strong.
    But I disagree with everyone here. The finest line in this poem is:

    I can still see you
    in the back of my eyes

    ReplyDelete
  36. gabrielle16 October 2010 at 10:11

    I can still see you
    in the back of my eyes

    is the line that stands out for me too.
    the delicate, indelible impression of a dear one. Beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  37. surbi19 October 2010 at 08:01

    This one is amazing ...

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)