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| Away to the Sky by beloavaan at deviantART |
I jumped from the roof
(gravity worked strange)
I landed on top of a cloud
when a giant bird pushed me again
I found some balloons
I stilled my heart, bent my ears
became a blind bird
no one wrote a song for me
or spoke about me
I now move over castles
waiting for a free fall
'when I kick you with my weightless feet,
all will know you killed me'
nice write... very cool imagery
ReplyDeleteVery nice. That last line is a killer.
ReplyDeletewhew...chilling closing line...
ReplyDeleteVery intense last line, loved it.
ReplyDeleteI agree, that last line was like a punch that came out of nowhere.
ReplyDeleteA great write.
Thought provoking imagery with a killer of a closing line. The last line felt more like a twist so it was all the more effective.
ReplyDeleteWay to flip the readers mind back and forth like a pancake on a hot grill. Very surreal. Enjoyed the way your mind works here.
ReplyDeletethe picture caught my breath and your
ReplyDeletepoem snatched it back.
beautifully surreal.
this poem is intense but wonderfully done to the poem. the last line sums it all.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is so very beautiful.. jumping from the roof and landing on a cloud...I have stopped to expect any think less than what you write always on your page Gautami..
ReplyDeletelaughed @ Timoteo!
ReplyDeleteGreat finish
Definitely different. Well done with a horrible prompt to make a beautiful poem!
ReplyDeleteAnother for the 'last line' well done!
ReplyDeleteStrange but evocative images that you traced with feathers and clouds! A wonder poem recipe.
ReplyDeleteThe third stanza is quite something, yes.
ReplyDeleteGuatami, I personally believe this is one of the finest poems I have read on your blog. This is a magnificent piece of imagination and poetic interpretation. I love it. I believe you have found your stride, now strut your stuff girl.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
Don
Surreal poetry at its best; very imaginative and chilling in the end. Excellent work.
ReplyDeleteGravity, indeed, works strange. That third stanza, after the dream imagery, is a heart-breaker.
ReplyDeleteGave me the chills, this poem! For 2 reasons..
ReplyDelete1: I was thinking about gravity and weightlessness just today morning..
and 2: that last line - absolute stunner!!! A power packed punch that was!
lizessonHello Gautami.....love the imagery of another wonderful poem ...thanks for sharing this
ReplyDeletesuch a great ending and this poem is very chilling well done
ReplyDeletehttp://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/04/memories/
Nice, fanciful. I like the idea of jumping from a roof to land on a cloud - a much softer landing for sure than the ground.
ReplyDeletewhat a thrilling ride,
ReplyDeleteprofound imagery.
Very cool poem! I could hear this as a song actually. I agree with the other posters that the last lines are chilling and especially powerful.
ReplyDeleteNice write... Great last line.
ReplyDeletekind of sad, almost like there is no hope to be rescued.
ReplyDelete