Wednesday, 26 October 2011

a captured momemt

you walk out in a huff
your plate of food unfinished
I run to the door to call you back
but you are nowhere to be seen
feeling sad and vulnerable
I walk back inside the house
and sit at the window
with a blurred vision
my thoughts in a turmoil
I wipe my tears, look out, 
see you talking on your cellphone

you sit inclined on a concrete sidewalk
your head bobbing up and down
I curse the person at the other end
you pocket your cellphone, 
sit there with a calmness that jars me

"is it my figment that I see the delivery boy
delivering a pizza to you, and you open it
close it again, and walk towards our home?"
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25 comments:

  1. irene26 October 2011 at 04:02

    Interesting clash of energies in that moment. Happy Diwali!

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  2. Brian Miller26 October 2011 at 04:56

    nice capture...interesting...makes me want to know what happens next....

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  3. ayala26 October 2011 at 05:32

    Nice write and like Brian I want to know what happens next .

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  4. jaerose26 October 2011 at 06:20

    You really did capture the moment..another piece of wonderful..touching..poetry..Jae

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  5. Donald Harbour26 October 2011 at 06:49

    What I want to know is what type pizza was it? Makes all the difference to the instance: "what you eat you are". Enjoyed the poem.
    Regards,
    Don

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  6. JANU26 October 2011 at 07:37

    emotional.

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  7. Heaven26 October 2011 at 08:23

    nice capture of the moment of discord...

    edit suggestion *your* plate

    hope it turns out well ~

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  8. Yousei Hime26 October 2011 at 09:50

    Nice twist to the ending, and much thought embedded in the lines before. An intense but interesting moment you captured.

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  9. Sheilagh Lee26 October 2011 at 10:49

    Still kind of insulting he didn't like the food so he ordered a pizza?hope he apologized for his behaviour and abruptness.

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  10. Raven's Wing Poetry26 October 2011 at 11:10

    I get the same impression as Sheilagh.

    I like the juxtaposition between the sudden explosion of the person leaving in a huff with the food still sitting on the table...and then the serenity of that person sitting alone, reclining, and ordering the pizza. The explosion and them the calm.

    -Nicole

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  11. mareymercy26 October 2011 at 11:43

    I curse the person at the other end

    There's a real sense of the isolation in this line.

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  12. Linda Jacobs26 October 2011 at 11:44

    Wow, I was right there in that house looking out! So evocative!

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  13. Wayne Pitchko26 October 2011 at 11:51

    nicely captured

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  14. Andy Sewina26 October 2011 at 16:53

    well told! You certainly captured a moment in time here!!

    <3

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  15. percy @dreamhopewrite26 October 2011 at 19:43

    Loving the emotions that this poem ignite... Looking forward to the sequel ... LOL

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  16. izzy27 October 2011 at 05:34

    I really like the way you set this scene! thanks.

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  17. flaubert27 October 2011 at 08:23

    I enjoyed this, Gautami. A very human experience.

    Pamela

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  18. neil reid27 October 2011 at 10:49

    This is such a "usual" moment in a way, however your telling renders it with something more than merely ordinary. The feeling feels real. (I think that's part what this prompt is about.) And yes, that last line sums the whole poem so well, that energy inside stillness. Thanks gautami.

    neil

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  19. Mama Zen27 October 2011 at 11:39

    Excellent write! I want to know what happens next!

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  20. oldegg27 October 2011 at 13:04

    You certainly let your readers imagination run wild after this most insightful piece. I was able to continue the tale in my head and there was a making up in the end as they shared the pizza,

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  21. Ramesh Sood27 October 2011 at 21:14

    Gautami, Pizza must be delicious.. and I am sure you had a beautiful glittering Diwali...may I be able to read such fascinating poetry next Diwali too.

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  22. Morning30 October 2011 at 07:57

    a job well done,
    lovely moments captured.

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  23. abthomas30 October 2011 at 10:33

    I loved the little vignette of turmoil you created!

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  24. zongrik30 October 2011 at 11:16

    ha. it's so easy to make ASSumptions.

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  25. Judy Roney1 November 2011 at 15:44

    I hope it wasn't a figment. I'm loving this ending!

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