Sunday, 23 October 2011

stalker

Lee Friedlander, from America by Car




















inside my car I sleep on the wheel
(don't worry, the car is stationary)
my head rolling after hours of driving
I am totally rusted out
can't you make it out from my glaze
which the clouds can't hide
I parked it in a crowded place
buildings all around
I dragged my feet too long over you
now my mind nods to for me to stalk you
my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
I simply don't care about what is right
I don't wish to build bridges
or straighten my act any more
I am just too stretched out

"you want a new beginning
I will give you that in a gilded cage,
limber up your mind to be a prisoner"
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30 comments:

  1. Templeton's fury23 October 2011 at 10:26

    its scary that i can identify! ha ha great writing, though!

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  2. Brian Miller23 October 2011 at 13:10

    i am totally rusted out...ha, nice way to put it...kay also pointed out another great line as well...i like...

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  3. Mark Kerstetter23 October 2011 at 13:45

    "my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge"

    This guy is what we call 'on the edge' - you've drawn him so that we feel that one little push will take him to crime or death.

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  4. JJ Roa Rodriguez23 October 2011 at 14:03

    everyone have said it... nice take! love it!

    JJRod'z

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  5. Christine23 October 2011 at 15:52

    disturbing, how the mind rationalizes what it wants to do, nice write

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  6. Mary23 October 2011 at 17:29

    Gautami, this gives me the chills. Well wordled!

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  7. Kathy Bischoping23 October 2011 at 19:13

    You do capture a menace lurking in this photo.

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  8. The Write Girl23 October 2011 at 19:56

    A chilling and amazing poem. Nicely written.

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  9. Susannah24 October 2011 at 01:55

    Good use of the wordle words.

    I particularly liked....

    "my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
    I simply don't care about what is right
    I don't wish to build bridges
    or straighten my act any more"

    Nicely done!

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  10. Rosemary Nissen-Wade24 October 2011 at 05:29

    Good one!

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  11. halfwaybetweenthegutter24 October 2011 at 05:34

    Very effective; as above, many do reach that point. I've acted on it before, and it's so destructive. Well written!

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  12. flaubert24 October 2011 at 07:22

    Gautami, excellent use of the words. Chilling story.

    Pamela

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  13. turtlememoir24 October 2011 at 07:34

    Nice write, scary. I wonder if a latent stalker doesn't lie in most of us - there's that need to know...
    my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge - brilliant!

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  14. Traci B24 October 2011 at 07:35

    Frightening portrait of obsession's destination, Gautami. Well written.

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  15. Kerry O'Connor24 October 2011 at 08:48

    You told the story of the picture very well - felt like I was there.

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  16. Heaven24 October 2011 at 08:59

    stalkerish, chilling scene...

    nice one ~

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  17. Sherry Blue Sky24 October 2011 at 09:15

    Wow, so well written. One really feels the fellow "on the edge". Perfect fit with the image. So well done, and a bit scary.

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  18. Morning24 October 2011 at 10:58

    wear out better than rusted out.

    awesome usage of words and image.
    Thanks for linking.

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  19. Mama Zen24 October 2011 at 11:15

    I love the ending!

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  20. Mike Patrick24 October 2011 at 11:32

    The lit fuse.

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  21. izzy24 October 2011 at 13:38

    I would have to be desperate and glazed to stalk someone in tight spaces, I like your take on it though.Thanks

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  22. Tumblewords:24 October 2011 at 14:38

    Oh, what a powerful piece this is. So enjoyed it!

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  23. Tess Kincaid24 October 2011 at 15:53

    Of course I love your phrase "totally rusted out"...

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  24. swapnap24 October 2011 at 20:53

    beautiful surprises on the prompt, mind needs to limber up too.

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  25. vivinfrance25 October 2011 at 02:05

    Great use of the (disguised) wordle words.

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  26. The Noiseless Cuckooclock25 October 2011 at 10:20

    fundamental piece.
    well done,

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  27. Morning27 October 2011 at 09:07

    my head rolling after hours of driving
    I am totally rusted out


    reread it, love the lines, a fabulous magpie,

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  28. brenda w27 October 2011 at 16:58

    Obsession stalks your words. :) You captured a universal feeling with your use of rusted out. Brilliant

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  29. Caddoc Trellis30 October 2011 at 03:25

    Sounds as though revenge is on the cards...

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  30. Bone3 November 2011 at 06:32

    That's powerful. You really immerse yourself in the situation.

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