Sunday, 16 October 2011

hanging my head

broken feet, with no skin
I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us
I wish for a burst of energy
that topples over the brink
may the bolt drop on these girls
may they drown in the shallows of some river
a shame I know
but do they deserve any better?

"putrid flesh has the power to preach-
just you see, just you see"
Posted by at
Labels: , ,

31 comments:

  1. Mama Zen16 October 2011 at 10:38

    Excellent write!

    ReplyDelete
  2. christopher16 October 2011 at 11:37

    Gautami, your writing haunts me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. izzy16 October 2011 at 12:44

    Wow revenge! thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tess Kincaid16 October 2011 at 13:27

    Nice write...

    ReplyDelete
  5. brenda w16 October 2011 at 13:41

    Great write, Gautami. I love the darkness in this one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kay L. Davies16 October 2011 at 13:44

    Very good, instinctively direct.

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

    ReplyDelete
  7. Magical Mystical Teacher16 October 2011 at 20:22

    Powerful juxtaposition of images with forgiving them for dancing, yet calling the bolt down upon them! Which will it be? I think I know!

    My Whirl

    ReplyDelete
  8. Isabel Doyle16 October 2011 at 22:31

    Great poem Gautami, and as a fellow Tree-Hugger,
    Thanks for commenting on my Sunday Tree last week. I’ve posted a new ‘Tree’ and would like to invite you to write something in response to it – or to one of the earlier tress. The post can be found here:
    http://writteninexile.blogspot.com/2011/10/sunday-trees-experimental-tree.html
    Best wishes, Isabel

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nanka17 October 2011 at 01:27

    Overwhelming feelings, a mix of hate, vengeance and forgiveness!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Gemma Wiseman17 October 2011 at 01:46

    Such vicious, pent up emotions are on the brink of bursting! A tension of poetic drama!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Martin17 October 2011 at 02:42

    I, also, like the tension in this.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mary17 October 2011 at 06:13

    Strong and deep. Conclusion very powerful...whew!

    ReplyDelete
  13. flaubert17 October 2011 at 08:07

    Gautami, dark and haunting poem. Excellent use of the words.

    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
  14. Lolamouse17 October 2011 at 11:54

    Strong and dark, like good coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Morning17 October 2011 at 18:17

    amazing.
    lovely usage of wordle words.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Morning17 October 2011 at 18:17

    amazing.
    lovely usage of wordle words.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Paige17 October 2011 at 20:09

    Some part of your poem sounds as if you may admire the hoop wearing,
    life affirming sisters and another part sounds a tad envious.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Susie Clevenger17 October 2011 at 20:10

    I like this a lot..from working on this prompt it has made me consider becoming a vegetarian...this a fine tale of revenge

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tumblewords:17 October 2011 at 20:15

    'do they deserve any better' - An intriguing piece!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Margaret17 October 2011 at 20:30

    I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
    these girls wear hoops
    I forgive them for dancing around us

    CLEVER write! I really like it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nicholas V.18 October 2011 at 01:17

    Dead meat inspires dark thoughts...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Laurie Kolp18 October 2011 at 10:51

    Love the vivid images...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Marianne18 October 2011 at 12:02

    Powerful, haunting writing, Gautami!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP)18 October 2011 at 12:30

    Powerful and beautiful .... I am delighted the Universe brought you to me and I to you :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Elizabeth18 October 2011 at 14:40

    Wonderfully evocative Gautami. You have so many voices and each one is weilded with depth and integrity.

    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  26. Arnab Majumdar18 October 2011 at 22:58

    Macabre at it's best... :)

    Cheers,
    Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Traci B19 October 2011 at 07:35

    Such honesty in this one - we do long to forgive, yet some part of us still wants revenge. Which part wins both reveals and shapes who we are.

    Well written.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Kelly19 October 2011 at 07:53

    Intriguing. What a swirl of emotions you've packed into this!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Peggy19 October 2011 at 11:56

    There is a lot in this one which I find disturbing and yet fascinating. Haunting indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Adura Ojo24 October 2011 at 01:54

    Dark, really cool flow. Well pennned.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Andy25 October 2011 at 10:06

    Hello.
    Masterfully done...even with the dark undercurrent!

    Thanks for sharing Gautami.

    Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)