diffused

Verdun, 1917 by Felix Vallotton

lights jumped all around her

the pain was excruciating

narrow beams struggled to grow wider

she wished to taste the sky

but was nailed to the earth

she felt as if sleeping on mud

all squishy and mishy mashy

diffused into the lights
her mind was fused to her heart
body refused to follow either
blackest of black clouds blanket her

"she will escape before that arrow of light pierces into her"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have Central serous retinopathy in my left eye....which is fluid leakage under the retina....that means I have blurred vision for now....

It will clear up with time....I have been told to reduce my stress. I had taken leave from work and right now I just trying to relax doing nothing. Not much of reading, watching TV or even use my laptop.....It has been more than a month now....

healing power of the soul

Sick Woman, 1665, by Jan Steen

why is your pulse racing
why do you feel so lethargic
woman, what is wrong with you
you sweet face is so pale
you lie lifeless

I wish to heal you
a doctor in your time of need
yet I see fire in your eyes,
your vision darting everywhere
as if questing for something

that gives me hope
that death cannot take you away
you will fight all the way
this room is your shelter now
but you have a long way to go

I keep hearing you say
'how beautifully leaves grow old
yet I am so cold'
your words will give you warmth
I see it in your spirit

"nurturing the soul is everlasting,
you are doing just fine"

lure of the impure

It Must Be Time For Lunch Now, 1979, by Francesca Woodman 

I long for you
in the fractured  links of my mind
thinking you would fill in the gaps
and mend the holes
wishful thinking on my part
you have been absent for so long

I blocked you out of my heart
fairly easy task
when one has a blockade
I don't believe in the adage
"sometimes you bend,
sometimes you break"

I hold the fork in my palm
clutch pain to myself
my soul burns infernally
with a mirrored effect on my body
I am not so sure of the lure of you
which is so impure

"I might rock, if my eyes stayed open
and I did not feel so drunk"

sepia tints

where I end she begins 

is it what you think?
not in motley mind of yours

you can fathom her depth-

a predator you say;

I ask, of what?

she escaped you,

enclosed in your arms-

her cascading locks merged with yours.

time does fade to sepia shade

"blah, blah, blah,
the end, the beginning

can anyone define?"

swirl it round and round

I swirled around your words
sometimes wisdom
many a times trivia
neither a lethal moment

my tears turned to laughter
or vice versa
so much emotions hinged
in the in-between silences 

morning turned to nights
nights into dawn
exchange of mind did not end
as it could not identify time

I know, it is not true when they say,
it's only words.
and words are all I have,
as you see me beyond that

we might not exchange a single word 
for weeks to come, 
yet the silence will make us
gravitate towards each other

"friendship is too mild a word for what we share,
the day I lose you, I will need to call it that"

yellowed with age

Ophelia by Odilion Redon 

here I listen to the silence
lying on that floor
my eyes are closed
my mind open to your every nuance
you bring me flowers
I hold those to me
I am in no mood to inhale the scent
as I am saturated with you
my soul flew to you
as an un-moored kite
you pushed me hard
I fell in a thud on that stretch of ground
where someone had painted the manhole cover, blue

"I will slip into the underground
deep into soulful sleep
you climb every mountain
as high as my sigh"

under the surface

Changla: Photo stolen from Suchismita's FB page!!

is there anybody there

not a trace I see

in the cracks of subliminal temper

such a racket

who hid the strings

where is the spare

buried in the snow

my chest saves the draft

such a temper

what did it latch to?

I stop myself from a refrain

can't anyone see me me blend in

does it not strike to someone

all that waiting might have killed me?

has it really been a decade

in my current state?

"I will come out anytime

hit back hard upside down-

those big stones helping me"

dedicated to the dregs in a tea cup

I scraped the container
tasting honey with my finger
sweetness ruled over the sour taste
that sour taste left from the remnants of past
sweet and sour make strange bedfellows
and I almost perished 
I was in love with life, 
mind you, not with you
the road may seem long and winding
but I like to watch the dregs in my tea cup
those cannot tell me my future
but make a nice pattern
someday I will knit a sweater
which will go with my golden heels

"I love my red sunglasses and green shoes
you can have my golden heels in your chest"

cloud reader

I fall to save my soul

from the burning coals

when cinders touch me

ice reaches me

I merge into the clouds

escaping from a vast wasteland

angels of sorrow surround me

as always I shed dry tears

"when tears fall, fear rushes out

I float so light in that dim light,
where everything looks black and white"

winter has only just begun

you float in and out
more out than in
I try to hold the wild images
chasing images merge into the walls
that sense of lost intangibles
submerges into depression
shadows of your translucent skin
is imprinted everywhere
I want to walk away
from the interloper
(which is nothing but conjured images)
mortality of my feelings is at its tether
destiny brought us together
destiny will part us
I can still hear you saying,
"it is our pleasure"
but I cannot hold it any longer
I will let it slip through my fingers

"if you so desire, it is your turn to thaw me"

rising onto the sky

she holds fairy dust in her hands
pressurised into a triangular glass
it cuts into her palm
that redness matches her blood
which she will collect in a glass tumbler
her body disappeared into the earth
only her hands are visible
like two peas in a pod
someone etched her anguish into a sculpture

I again sprinkle fairy dust
the depths of its blackness sparkles on me.   

etching into the epidermis

"if I could pull her out of the earth

I would have shared the sparkles"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two lines in the second stanza aren't mine. I thank Rey-mundo for those. I know he will read it.

snaky tales

total darkness
pitch black
which contains eternity
their eyes merge after a while
heat shakes the hearts
slippery slithering bodies
of snakes entangle in knots

much

it was love at first sight
that's what I thought.
I anticipated much-
river of emotions
to flow in between.

"but he was so enthralled by
friday night football"

thigh high

I declare open war
why don't you buy me a car
controls vibrate my thigh
In the autumn I feel high
if you think that's swell
I would settle for diamonds as well

...............................

WRITTEN TO THE MELODY OF: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

shreds

a roaring sound
you can still hear
in the eerie silence even now
I am scared of a simple jolt
my dignity lost in the debris
mother, may I hide in your womb again?
(my life as simple as before I was born)
build me a new world
a bold world
where I can walk without an urgent need to escape
mother, please tell our leaders
to cut out the theatrics 
scrape the old laws
protect us from their evil designs

"but if they do that , how would their pockets get filled?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a bomb blast outside the high court in New Delhi on 7th Sep, 2011, killing 13 people, injuring more than 60. Our government is totally useless and we are left to fend for ourselves.You can deduce the apathy of the Govt from knowing that a similar blast took place on 25th May, 2011 at the same place, and political leaders saying these blast are normal!! Do the power that are care? I don't think so...

My poem pours out from there, raw, unedited.......an anguish that can't be explained.....

stalling

I rubbed cream into my hands-
I felt marginalized
before the time to say goodbye
descended on me

If I die young,
I do not wish for my skin 
to look shipwrecked

hinder the tremors

one day when ocean becomes nether
I pledge to tread on it
I will let the tremors enter into me
as I want to feel the sacred sea
it will get enmeshed into darkness
no plaster separates it from that tuft
if the fish hinder its sporadic ventures

if it is possible, 
I will remove the stigma of the sea
it too has a right to move forward
I can listen to its whisper
even when it laughs out loud
I don't need an eye for an eye
the world is already blind.

"the deep can never go away, it only enhances"

vinyl records, ruined battery

in the psychedelic dreams 
of nothingness
I find a broken record
long playing vinyl record
as ancient as you
as antiquated as I

in my alone time
I introspect the fossils
of those songs we listened
soundlessly, together
coarse, powdered
words jumbled on top of each other

relics of the past may suggest
you are my sunshine
but I walk into the dark tunnel
holding the broken record
primeval music playing
into the corrugated walls

"I will find a ruined battery on the road
fix it to my heart and listen to you for eternity"

egg on

gravity. a spat or a splat
eggs us on.
shells, half broken
tell a tale-
uncomfortable in that skin,
gravity grounds everything.

'I feel such a palpable relief'

puerile ennui

no one understands love
maybe they do, the ennui of
"before I die" compels that need
propelling to fall in that white light

I want the storms to strike me
as to be numb in my lonely coat
in my head I paint pictures of distant hills
before I walk back on the sidewalks

"In that glass box, why have you kept me displayed?"