Tuesday, 12 April 2011

finding dreams for you


my tresses
a silken cover- 
you like it.
caressing
me with careful strokes-
you cherish my skin too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

words form here
I put a semblance
only for you
you sleep in
letting yourself free in your dreams
while I search for more

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a Shadorma (26 syllables):

line one has three syllable
line two has five syllables
line three has three syllables
line four has three syllables
line five has seven syllables
line six has five syllables
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26 comments:

  1. lynnaima12 April 2011 at 18:22

    Thanks for covering this new form. It was quite nice! :)
    http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/in-search-of-jasmine/

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  2. Amanda Moore12 April 2011 at 18:23

    Wonderful Shadorma I did my first yesterday lots of fun with this new form!

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  3. Brian Miller12 April 2011 at 19:17

    nice i like the sensual nature of the first...and i hope you find those dreams in the second...

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  4. G-Man12 April 2011 at 20:32

    Gautami....
    I wrote one too!
    But YOURS is definately more upbeat than mine...hehehehe
    great job

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  5. ladynimue13 April 2011 at 05:11

    I like this !!
    And interesting form :)

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  6. Mr. Walker13 April 2011 at 06:13

    I really like the first three lines of the second stanza; it speaks to the relationship between the poet and the reader. I, too, am seeing the potential in the Shadorma. Thanks.

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  7. Elizabeth13 April 2011 at 07:52

    love the sense imagery in the first, and the searching for more in the second. I've tried the Shadorma, now want to go back and try it again. Thanks,

    Elizabeth

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  8. Helena13 April 2011 at 09:12

    Sumptuous Shadoma...♥ ஆεlεɳa

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  9. barbara13 April 2011 at 09:58

    I like, in the second: you sleep in, letting yourself free in your dreams. One of those lines where sound and sense ease one another along.

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  10. Andy13 April 2011 at 10:37

    What a lovely write. My favorite line is "you sleep in, letting yourself free in dreams". In dreams, especially in mine, anything & everything is possible.

    Thanks for being brave enough to comment on my latest poem:)

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  11. Eric 'Bubba' Alder13 April 2011 at 10:45

    Ooh!
    Yes, I do like silky tresses!

    Delightful One Shot, Gautami!

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  12. Rambling Heather13 April 2011 at 10:55

    Beautiful prose!!

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  13. Jen13 April 2011 at 11:04

    This is a very interesting form. Loved your lines.

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  14. Ann Grenier13 April 2011 at 11:06

    I like the dreamy atmosphere Gautami. Congratulations on the shadorma; you've peaked my interest in trying it.

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  15. Kati patrianoceu13 April 2011 at 11:37

    I like these. I think with an unusual form like this things can easily come out meaningless, but I like yours :)

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  16. lori13 April 2011 at 13:47

    very lovely :)

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  17. happygirl13 April 2011 at 13:48

    I really like this. And, I like the form. I'm a fan of the syllable form of poetry. I was doing haikus, but I read so many negative posts about haikus that I stopped. Mind you, all were VERY encouraging and positive about mine, but it scared me. Thanks so much for your words.

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  18. Madeleine Begun Kane13 April 2011 at 15:07

    Very nice job on a form I've never tried. Hmmmmm. :)

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  19. LauraX13 April 2011 at 16:58

    beautiful!

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  20. Joybird13 April 2011 at 19:47

    I really love the way the two shadormas work together to create a tenderly intimate picture.

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  21. Raven's Wing Poetry14 April 2011 at 07:34

    Both of these are beautiful, and you use the shadorma form well. I'm more expansive, and I have trouble containing so much in so little of a space.

    I especially like the juxtaposition between the sleeper finding his dreams and you finding yours in the words, awake, in the second poem.

    Lovely.

    -Nicole

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  22. Carrie Burtt14 April 2011 at 12:15

    Love this shadorma Gautami...it is both sensual and magical....:-)

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  23. emily wierenga14 April 2011 at 16:30

    I put a semblance
    only for you

    this, my favorite part... thank you for your poem, friend.

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  24. Tiffini14 April 2011 at 16:59

    love letting yourself free in your dreams....
    xo

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  25. Loni14 April 2011 at 18:29

    Very neat & lovely. I'd never heard of a Shadorma before. Thanks for sharing with us!

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  26. Connie@raise your eyes14 April 2011 at 20:45

    The musical sound of your name is beautiful in itself...and GOD has gifted you with a poetic soul...utterly lovely

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