Wednesday 9 December 2009

gravely offended

I walked out of that grave
balancing my lithe body

it has been long I came out of it
that musty smell was getting at me

I could never get hold of anything
in that vacant emptiness

when I materialised in front of you,
hope I didn't offend you

"your shocked reaction was reward enough for me"

15 comments:

  1. dreamy quality to it, I think. Not so much creepy. I like it, doesn't read forced.

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  2. I thought of it as a playfully dark piece.

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  3. wonder if this is how all ghosts feel?

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  4. It doesnt read forced at all (saw you mention that in the comments)

    it is as striking as all your pieces are!

    A great work!

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  5. I like how the shocked reaction is a reward! Makes it sound kind of playful.

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  6. spooky but not scary! Is it okay if I hate it just a little that your "forced" writing is still so wonderful?

    I understand what it feels like though when you make yourself write even though "it" whatever it is - isn't there. Still, good disicpline to write anyway.

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  7. I agree with thom I think it was great. Look forward to reading you again next week. I'm posted also just follow the link below.


    The Ballerina

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  8. That sense of catching someone and startling them... perfect. We all like it when we catch someone. by your poem, I guess it is a quality we still enjoy on the other side.

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  9. Dark, but not at all creepy or scary. Nice atmosphere...

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  10. A fine, flowing piece of writing, the 'shocked reaction' closing it nicely. Well done!

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  11. It would be difficult to find a comfortable grave, I think! Scarier yet to flit back and forth. Interesting piece, for sure!

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  12. This was great, something a little different from what I normally read from you. This flowed elequently yet still gave me the delicious feel of the creeps.

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  13. I liked this. It started off potentially creepy or sad, but that last line made me laugh.

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