His single kidney split into two. Hissing. Flowed on his thighs. Yellowed. Dried, his thighs look like the lottery ticket. Don't eat your pretzels from it.
Sounds great! But I don't understand it! Original thinking! A little gory perhaps. I'm not sure that I want to know what this poem means. Some things are best left as they are!
Nice work with the concrete, if unpleasant, images. It makes me feel a great sense of loss, and I marvel at your ability to say so much in so few words.
Your Centus made my kidney hurt..I love your originality.
ReplyDeleteyes, I cringed a little. UGH. Nice take on this!
ReplyDeletePoor guy!
ReplyDelete(Not even thinking of pretzels at the moment)
:)
Very clever and I did like the way you say things in a few words but with deep insights. Well done and good day.
ReplyDeleteYour words conveys deep meaning.
You can find my words in the poetry world at http://www.cesargealogo.com
very interesting take on this.
ReplyDeleteI cringe with a sense of lost hope.~Ames
ReplyDeleteyikes
ReplyDeletethat was kinda visceral
And i liked it.
=)
Now that's an original take!!
ReplyDeleteSounds great! But I don't understand it! Original thinking! A little gory perhaps. I'm not sure that I want to know what this poem means. Some things are best left as they are!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
Anna
Anna's SC#37-The lottery ticket
I can always count on you for an original, thought provoking Centus. The image of the kidney splitting, hissing - really nicely done. Kat
ReplyDeleteQuite the picture you painted there...yikes!
ReplyDeleteWow, that brought quite the image to mind!
ReplyDeletePamela
Nice work with the concrete, if unpleasant, images. It makes me feel a great sense of loss, and I marvel at your ability to say so much in so few words.
ReplyDeleteGreat post..........cj
the imagery is something else ... what an interesting take!
ReplyDeleteYou take us on such an interesting journey in so few words. I appreciate it.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
dont dip your chip in it...eww...lol. it does make my kidney hurt...
ReplyDeleteagh...
ReplyDeleteI will have to think on this one lol.
ReplyDeleteAck! Most definitely wouldn't eat pretzels or anything else off that surface. Thanks for playing along with the Sunday 160.
ReplyDeleteEwwwww!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, wait. Cooked?
wow...
ReplyDeletewatch out...
striking words..well played.
Powerful. Guess I'll be chewing on this one all week...
ReplyDeleteEow.. (cringing and wincing)
ReplyDeleteA very tight write though!
(I am kinda glad I am not a fan of pretzels) :)
A certain Haiku quality to this...nice...Peace and blessings
ReplyDeleteAmazing how grossed out you made so many of us in only 25 words.
ReplyDeleteThat is some well-done micro-fiction.
Thanks for linking.