looking at me with dreary eyes
fear writ large all over her.
she lay there timidly,
FIERCELY I EMBRACED HER
timidly she returned it
largely the fear leaving her
the dreary look from her eyes gone
for such a small being
thin and emacipated
her hold on me was tight
FIERCELY SHE EMBRACED ME
tightly I held her close
emancipating thinness
contained in her smallness
" litle girl's timid embrace
drove away dreary thoughts
right out of my troubled psyche"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those of you who has not participated in 3WW till date, come and join in. This week's 3 words are: timid, dreary and embrace. Don't be timid, give up the dreary look, embrace the three words. In any form you like, poetry or prose. I DARE YOU!
Another deep one - it works on many levels.
ReplyDeleteawwww that was awesome :D
ReplyDeleteloved it every bit :d
http://fart-in-a-jar.blogspot.com/2009/05/3-words-only.html
It captures both your feelings. Wonderfully done
ReplyDeleteImpressive.......
ReplyDeleteIt does work on many levels, like Tony said. And I like how each draws you out more.
ReplyDeleteOne point, the line, "dreary look from her eyes gone now" for me would read better as, "dreary look from her eyes now gone." See what you think.
Thanks ThomG for the feedback. I dropped the 'now.' I feel it reads better. What do you say?
ReplyDeletethis was great, I liked how the last stanza clarified it was a little girl. very nice! -Meg
ReplyDeleteHi Gautami,
ReplyDeleteI'm wholeheartedly with ThomG on this one.
If you switch it to what you have changed it to, for me, I feel that you would need an "is" or a "has" before the gone, or the implication of one through the breath and space brought about by a "," after the "eyes".
If you see what I mean.
That would be my feedback. I'll be back to see what Thom says and what you end up with.
And, and this is important, I enjoy your creation. Hope the monsoons have hit, for you.
Coffee next time I'm in India, hopefully.
Tschuess,
Chris
You've captured the timidness very well here. Interesting how a little girl's embrace can change how someone feels at a given moment. Well done. Have a nice day.
ReplyDeleteI like the exchange of words as well as the embrace imagery
ReplyDeleteI see myself and my daughter in this. Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteThankyou for visiting my blog today and your good wishes.
ReplyDeletejust wow !! m always left speechless at the depth of your writes.
ReplyDeletei like the last one
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's a lot going on here, and the message comes across loud and clear. Of course if you want to get it to sound right, you'll need another syllable on the bottom line of the first piece. My suggestion would be a 'the' in front of dreary.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, as always.
ReplyDeleteWow! There is some wonderful symmetry throughout this poem. And more importantly, I am moved by the humanity of it. Excellent! (Kudos for your 3WW enthusiasm this week)
ReplyDeleteGreat!!
ReplyDeleteI think this is fabulous! Deep, conveys both sides, and clear to understand.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming by!
Happy 3WW
shows how an embrace takes two and can impact the hugger as much as the huggee...
ReplyDeleteA wonderful write on many levels particularly the idea the embrace of the timid emaciated girl had the powerful impact of changing your own emotions.
ReplyDeleteYou portray the emotional effects of the power of a hug for this child and for you wonderfully.
ReplyDelete(See your email for who this was/is.) :)
Oh, G,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you made a typo or wanted "troubled" psyche instead of "trouble" in the last line? Either way the power of this poem culminates splendidly. Full circle, as it were...
beautiful!
ReplyDelete