Monday, 17 March 2008

Constant split into two

I thought that I will talk about myself every tuesday. I might even set myself prompts or introduce memes! I truly do not know what road this may lead me. This time, I start a bit early. On a Monday night. And why not?

A while back, I was in a confused state of mind. I forgot right from the wrong. I am not saying I am above all this. I am as human as the next person. Nonetheless, I let this madness rule over me for a long period of time. I was in a trance like state where you act like a zombie. You do all the normal things but your mind is not in it. You want to let go but something stops. You fully well know you should break away but you are tied. You want to resist but cannot. One way to get out of it is to snap out of it. Somehow I simply woke up one morning and snapped out of it. I think physical illness helped me in a way.

Looking at it, in terms of life, there is no gain or loss. You are what you make of it. Chasing Eldorado never led anyone anywhere. One just needs to remember the constants. Can we change those? Bigger question is, should we change that? How do we decide what path to take? Can any path be wrong? Or right? On the pitch-fork of road, our mind splits into two. Does liberty mean we can do anything we want? No, if it is going to affect others. That too, in major ways.

My dad taught me that whatever decision I make, I should sleep over it. That sometimes gives us a better perspective. This time, I was awake for a long time . When I finally slept over it, I knew what my dad meant. My dad never imposed his will on me {if he had, I would have got married before 20. Almost every Indian parent plans the marriage of his son or daughter even before they are born. Even now! (That was an aside!)}. He was always there for me. No matter what. So is my mom, now. Only parents can love you unconditionally. I have been the major beneficiary of that, being at home most of the times.

This time, I am not going to let anything influence me, my mind. I will go by my gut feeling. It tells me to forge ahead. I am making changes in my life by moving to a new house, changing my school and in many other trivial ways. On the personal front, life looks bright, now that the dark clouds are gone. I am going to keep it that way. I am no longer going to look like that girl in the photo..

Let's all raise a toast over that!


  1. Cheers sistah! Let's hear it for banishing those dark clouds. I think the constant in life is that very little actually goes the way you planned. The split between fantasy and reality is narrow, I'm a charter member of that club, but what we choose to do has bearing on many others.

    I'm glad you are making the changes for yourself and I look forward to your journey.



  2. It's wonderful that you are making some changes especially when they benefit you and what you want out of life. Spring is a time for change as well, new growth is in the air. Let the season carry you to your fullest dreams and settle in your heart. I wish you well on your journey.

  3. I hope your gut feeling will help you forge ahead towards the right changes. Keep shooing the dark clouds away!

  4. Here is to you and your new life...or should I say a new beginning in life.

  5. just click on the title of my prompt and it will take you to the story.

  6. My parents were the same, you and I are extremely lucky in that respect!

    Congrats, Gautami, on forging ahead and thank you for sharing it with us, we all need reminders that we can break out.

  7. I've found that I've started posting the night before, too. It just makes it easier, as mornings are often rushed.

    Yes, keep following your instinct. I for one am eager to see where it's going to lead you!

  8. Good on ya! Just march ahead..dun let anything get in the way.



  9. Thanks for sharing! I really can relate to that trance like zombie feeling, I've been stuck there for some time. It's like I'm on auto pilot and doing my daily routine but not even aware of it. Hopefully I'll be able to snap out of it soon.

  10. Cheers, Gautami!:)Theoretically speaking, that gut feeling you talk about is what women have, allegedly, lost long ago, and has to be retrieved...!?:) A good move!:)

  11. good luck with whatever moves you make

  12. I take a very long time to make decisions. It drives my relatives crazy, but I am very analystical. I enjoyed this post very much.

  13. chase away those dark clouds and raise a toast to the sunlight. :)

  14. Hi! I tagged you for a book meme. If you don't care to participate, no worries, and if you've already been tagged, sorry!

    Page 123

  15. realizing
    they'll follow my advice . . .
    my second thoughts

  16. Cheers to you and best wishes, I look forward to these Tuesdays..

  17. good luck in your plans! your dad sounds like a great man - I'll say this, though; I don't want my daughters to get married until I'm dead. :)

  18. Cheers Tami! I love that you're adding a personal day. XXOO

  19. I hope everything works out for the best for you!

  20. Yayay, onward and upward, trust your instincts and forge ahead, here's to new beginnings!

  21. Another reason to keep visiting here.......

    Looking forward to reading more.
    Smile and the world smiles with you.
    Cry and you cry alone

  22. Hi Gautami

    A very positive and inspirig post.

    My Father and I shared a special bond. He taught me many important things ... especially to believe in myself and to make decisions that were honest to me (without being clouded by anyone elses wants, needs or desires).

    Today would have been his 71st birthday.

    Even though he is no longer here with me I know that he is still with me in spirit which helps me to stay on the right track (and be continually reminded of his words of wisdom).

    Keep positive, stay strong in your heart, believe in your principles and, most importantly, do what you need to do FOR YOU and you only.


  23. i am happy your gut feeling was right... it is ever so much more difficult when your gut leads you away from where you should be....

  24. It is a shame to live withOUT listening to your INtuition.

    I fully appreciate your Dad's rule about sleeping on it. Our brain is still running at night and Dreams are the result of sifting through all of the data that you have accumulated.

    We aren't even aware of all the information that we collect..most of it is incidental clutter..
    nevertheless that 3 pound supercomputer has evolved to collate, shred, and store all of that crap anyway.

    Letting your brain analyze the pertinent ingredients is a luxury that we don't always have but by all means take advantage of it whenever you get the chance.

    The world is your oyster.

  25. i trust you will choose what's best...
    thanks for letting us take a glimpse at you at a different level

  26. I think this is a great way to use the words and memes in general - good luck to you!!

    Thanks for being part of TFT!


  27. How nice that your parent gave you the space in which to grow, rather than trying to control you.

    I think the idea of sleeping on it is excellent advice. I do that even when revising poems.