Thursday 27 December 2007

Untitled




My muse is refusing to work. It must have gone into the holiday mode! I am not at all happy with this piece. I can't even think of a proper title for it. Suggestions and critiques are welcome.

when sun comes down closing its wings,

eagle returns home to that tallest tree-
almost reaching towards yellow moon.
changing facets of night keep it rooted.
at first dawn of light, it will go its way-
spreading its wings, circling all over,
eyes on target, descending unhurriedly-
with precision on its unsuspecting prey.


17 comments:

  1. this is an amazing spectacle to observe... i have a lot of hawks around,, and they are equally as focused....

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  2. GAUTAMI. I like it very much. Looks good to me. Chilling. Just this maybe?: "changing facets of night keeps [keep] it rooted."

    Maybe call it EAGLE or UNSUSPECTING PREY or ON FOCUS?

    I've been reading all your posts. Lovely stuff about your dad. Yes...

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  3. I love the image of the sun closing its wings! This poem is a keeper!

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  4. You do capture something of the solitary vigilance of the eagle here, Gautami. I wonder if there's need for a further strand in the poem, maybe a sense of the more permanent vigilance of the moon. The notion of a 'hunter's moon', possibly, watching the eagle watching, as it were..?

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  5. well I could see the images and descending unhurriedly is perfect.

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  6. Well focused poem as usual. You write beautifully. I loved the opening line. And, I could easily see the images set forth in this poem. Morning Prey would be a nice title, I think.

    I have something for you at "shades of mj" if you would like to stop by.

    Have a nice day.

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  7. I think you captured the scene brilliantly. Remember, we are our own worst critics. I don't think my poem for today turned out well at all either, but my husband appreciated it, and I guess ultimately that's what really mattered when I wrote it.

    I only do a weekly poem and find myself a bit too burnt out to think of good composition. I can not imagine how you do it daily. There will be days when you will not like what you write, but go back to it after a few weeks and you'll be shocked that it was better than you thought it was.

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  8. Good job, it deserves a title. When I have trouble with a title I look to the end. When the title is from the end it primes the reader to get there. Something like 'descent'? 'slow descent'?

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  9. You describe it so well. Think the last line makes a great title

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  10. Glad to see you still striving, even when its hard.

    I like the image from this piece...even without a title. ;).

    ~gg

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  11. wow im glad i happened by this little untitled!!! beautiful!

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  12. I don't believe your muse is refusing to work. These words are a true snapshot of an eagle...

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  13. i love birds of prey and this poem speaks to me.

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  14. I get the feeling your muse may be working, just not in the direction you want! This has a lot of nice in it.

    For titles, it depends on what you'd like to focus attention on. Any of these might work:
    Rapt
    Gripped by the Eagle
    New Day

    or even something to point out the cyclical nature of this, its raptorial routine.

    sister AE
    at
    Having Writ

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  15. Interesting that you don't like this one - I read and reread it and think it's quite good

    perhaps if you played with the line length by omitting a word or two you could achieve a physical sense of descent...

    one of my poetry professors often suggested titles that suggested but did not repeat the main point of the poem.

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  16. i see your muse has returned above ;-) very nice - was wondering what the gift was

    ascenderrisesabove.com/wordpress

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  17. The eternal flux of energy!:)

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