Wednesday 14 November 2007

icy patch------3WW



Icy
Pause
Train

with a slight pause,
I train my eyes towards
a movement behind the bushes.
mist sweeps the surroundings-
cold seeps through my pores;
I shake like a leaf, my feet
holding on to hard ground.

visibility being almost zero,
I follow the sound
taking care not to make a noise.
tripping on a shrub
I fall flat on that icy patch.
numb for a few moments
I examine myself for bruises.

‘what else is broken other than my ego?’

29 comments:

  1. the painful ego always seems to over ride the physical pain in a public fall... try and do it... and NOT look around!!!!!!

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  2. I fell in the ice once--was wearing too much makeup and looked like a rimmed eyed idiot

    Was on my way to get my teeth laminated--and didn't realize the dentist going through with it--he claimed it was like a cast would set the stage for many dental mishaps, so sometimes more than ego....

    As usual Guatami you make each word in the poem stand out--show the beauty of words

    I love the way visibility being almost zero sounds

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  3. Nice poem.

    I like the imagery.

    Thanks for a good 3WW.

    charles

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  4. ain't it funny that when we try to be as quiet as can be, we always make a mess out of it and fall flat on our face. =)

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  5. The next line is always, 'I meant to do that." Falling is never fun, your poem makes it serious rather than comical.

    Rose

    xo

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  6. weird...strange ideas...but thats just me. Another great narrative.

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  7. I love how you used train in your poem...very well done.

    S

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  8. having survived a lifetime of Canadian winters I can relate to this poem. Well done!

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  9. Oh if I could count the times. Very nicely done!

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  10. Oh. No. Great imagery and use of prompt!

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  11. Great last line especially.
    ~S :)

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  12. Sometimes the ego hurts more than anything else no matter what :)

    I really liked how you used train in this.

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  13. That read like a complete poem to me...with a nice oomph at the end.

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  14. Half a poem? Sounds good to me.

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  15. Even your half poems always speak volumes to me. The last line says it all.

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  16. Guatami, this is my third attempt at leaving a comment!! Blogger is giving me the run-around. I love this poem - its so true! If I slip the first thing I do is check to see who's looking!!

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  17. Ah, the broken ego! Beautiful as ever, thanks.

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  18. yes...ouch, that hurt!...winter is just days away...the rhythme i so enjoyed...

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  19. I'm hooked: I want to know what the narrator's looking at and so afraid of.

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  20. lol...I enjoyed this! Been there, done that...! :~)

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  21. Ah, just slipped down a hill a few months ago, in Canada, tried to be nonchalant, but I was seen. Loved your beginning, it was mysterious, I really didn't expect the fall.

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  22. Hi Gautami! I love the suspense in this and the movement of following the sound towards the bushes. And I can totally relate to falling flat, and, yes!, the broken ego! Well done!

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  23. oooh, for a second there i thought you were in Kargil. What was behind that bush?

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  24. It can't be said enough: ice can be quite slippery :)

    The first thing I always do in situations like that is look around and make sure no one else saw me.

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  25. good 3WW, the use of train is refreshing--many like me thought of a train--now I'm thinking of a new 3WW--I paused, when she trained her icy stare toward me... Have a great Sunday!

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  26. wonderful, absolutely wonderful! I've slipped, tripped and been stupid in public...its always worse when you get "are you alright"....

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  27. ouch! painful but funny at the same time

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  28. Bruised ego always hurts more than the actual fall. Nice job with the words. Keep up the good work.

    Have a nice night.

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