you are not here
I close the door,
collapse on the floor
you are not here
I clutch you kerchief,
yearn for your scent
you are not here
I walk into the kitchen,
bite into a peach
you are not here
I let the sweet juice
melt into my mouth
you are not here
I cherish this moment
thankful for the space
you are not here
I hear the bell peal,
open the door
now you are here
Love the title you chose for this one. At first I thought this was about the loss of someone close but the ending redirected my thoughts. Great write. Hope all is well.
ReplyDeletePhew, glad you found him/her, love the way you got all the words into the title!
ReplyDelete<3
Ah, the anticipation.
ReplyDeletethe repeat of the single line really makes this work on the whole. The sweet anticipation builds until that moment.
ReplyDeleteRitual
very nice... esp the title :)
ReplyDeletebeing a participant of 3ww myself, i could get to know the inspiration quick...
coming to ur post, i like the repetitive use of "you are not here"... the anxiety and wait could be seen easily... nicely done...
As I read this, I kept thinking, yes, it's like this, and this - wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteI liked the build up to the ending. the ending made me smile.
ReplyDeletelove the short lines and the repetition--it works well!
ReplyDeleteThe repetitive lines only added to her yearning...with a happy outcome.
ReplyDeleteThe simplicity of this is wonderful. It reminds me of Jane Kenyon's "Otherwise." (But I like yours better!)
ReplyDeleteThis turned out happy - I thought maybe it would not be so. Nice!
ReplyDeleteah i feel the yearning!
ReplyDeleteOh I LOVED the ending! It was such a surprise, and had a real oomph to it. I can't explain myself perfectly - will you understand me if I say, your intention with this worked.
ReplyDeleteI love the simplicity and the repetition in this. So deceptively spare, but it packs a delicious punch!
ReplyDeleteNice. I like the flow.
ReplyDeleteits awsome!
ReplyDeletevery nicely done!
Beautifully written! :)
ReplyDeleteSweet verse!
the waiting is usually the worst but the reward is so much better in the end, at least that's how this poem seems to me
ReplyDeleteI thought it would end by a sad note. But thanks for the happy ending
ReplyDeletehttp://fullofcherries.blogspot.com/2009/07/victory.html
I am imagining this sequence spans months and represents the phases of recovery from a failed relationship. I'm not so sure the end is a happy one... perhaps more of a new beginning than an ending.
ReplyDelete