Sunday 10 October 2010

dad, farther and farther away

in the closet
I catch a whiff
I rummage it again 
in the dark,

standing first on one foot
then another-
I can still see you
in the back of my eyes

my closet encloses 
all I hold dear
encircling too
my lonely thoughts

missing you suddenly
after eight years
I can hear you call me-
you reach me with your hug

"you were my centre, I am still the circumference"

37 comments:

  1. Just beautiful. Mind holds last line, not wanting to let go of it!

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  2. I enjoted this... and that last line is wonderful!

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  3. This is interesting, very different....I also looked at your poem about your dad/closet. It is extremely moving...nice work.

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  4. I like it - a closet can be a bit like a warm hug, if it contains much of the essence of the one who used it.

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  5. So touching! You captured that moment so vividly.

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  6. This is very well done. Thank you.

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  7. lovely...dramatic! loved the last line! ;-)

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  8. I can relate to this some.. well Gautami, its always the end line of your poems that to me always seem to be a beginning for your next thought..

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  9. Love the quote "you were my centre, I am still the circumference" and your expression. A creative take on the prompt.

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  10. You brought the sense, the feeling right in to the room with this beautiful verse. The last line is simply haunting...

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  11. i love where you take this...and many, i included, long fo that last hug...tight throated i write this...nice one shot!

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  12. a heartfelt poem. the last line is very strong.

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  13. Beautiful and heartfelt poem!

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  14. This is wonderful. It is sad, but truly a beautiful expression of memory.

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  15. It is very sad and beautiful, such is life, and the sentiment which is crystal clear in the last line.

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  16. this hit home for me I lost my dad one year ago I miss him terribly, and this was so touching!

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  17. Wonderful, these memories wil never leave you!

    <3

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  18. I liked the mathematical last line... a nice One Shot!

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  19. such a heartfelt poem - and the last line just blows me away..beautiful

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  20. heartwarming work.

    great way to remember...

    loveNlight
    Gabi

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  21. such strong sad longing.. beautifully written

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  22. I loved that! And I agree- the last line is excellent!

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  23. Still feel that way about my husband. I have a few things left in my closet just because. Beautifully written. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

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  24. Tami, this is a truly sad and moving poem.The last ling is sharp with pain."you were my centre, I am still the circumference" Just beautiful.



    Melanie

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  25. Woah... this is beautiful. Last line GOLD STAR! Love and Light, Sender

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  26. Center/circumference--they form a whole. And one without the other feels incomplete. Nicely expressed.
    Victoria

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  27. I'm glad you came by my place today. Your work is very good, very strong.
    But I disagree with everyone here. The finest line in this poem is:

    I can still see you
    in the back of my eyes

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  28. I can still see you
    in the back of my eyes

    is the line that stands out for me too.
    the delicate, indelible impression of a dear one. Beautiful!

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