Wednesday 21 May 2008

focussed on death--3WW


sitting on the edge of the tracks
he waited for the train
to end all his travails
when he cut his wrists,
his dad saved him;
when he consumed poison,
mom made him drink salt water.
jumping from a building,
he landed on unseen tarpaulin.
hanging from the fan,
the rope couldn't take his weight.

this time around,
his focus was totally on dying.
tired- he fell asleep
only to wake up to find himself alive.
first delayed and then cancelled train
had yet again saved his life.
getting up he kicked at the tracks,
walked back home to fill his empty belly.

28 comments:

  1. Haunting, but hopeful! Nice job.

    Blessings,
    Linda

    Here's mine. (It's part of a meme response. You can find it, if you scroll down a bit.)

    SUPER-SEVEN MEME, at Nickers and Ink

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  2. OK, so I found it funny.

    I mean, don't you kind of just want to look at him and say, "If at first you don't succeed, suicide is not for you?"

    O:)

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  3. This guy is such a failure he could end up suicidal!

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  4. This is not only hilarious but spectacularly well written in an understated way.

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  5. Good thing the rope couldn't take his weight an he went home to eat some more :)

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  6. I am actually having a day where I feel exactly like this. Not that I want to die, but everything I do is *wrong*.

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  7. Ah! A lovely poem on the frustration of being alive... :)

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  8. Amazing piece; even with all the suicide attempts there, this made me laugh! :-D

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  9. Karma is imposing itself into his life - he needs to listen. Great piece.

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  10. A concise poem, honest, descriptive, and in the end, very human. He goes home to eat since he couldn't kill himself. Very ironic! GReat stuff, gautami.

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  11. He is indestructible! Like Michael on L O S T
    great job with the 3 words! :))

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  12. oh, so sad, but humorous in a way. always failing, I understand that.

    Good work.
    Maybe he'll eat his death :P

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  13. I found that the going to fill his belly (an act of sustenance) after failing miserably at dying was quite ironic and satirical! great job!!!

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  14. I love this!!! Very creative. Some people can't even do suicide right. ;-)

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  15. It's obviously NOT his time to die.... :D

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  16. gautami,
    Persistant failure; I think there is a message there.
    Well done.
    rel

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  17. funny... agree with TC...
    suicide is not for him... ;P

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  18. Something is sending him a clear message that he eventually got. I like how you had him kick the tracks. ;)

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  19. heh.
    unlucky lucky guy huh? :)

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  20. sometimes what we want is not really what we want.

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  21. ...excellent portrayal of frustration and that sometimes we just don't have much power over our lives... i almost wanted to laugh in that it's always something...

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  22. WOW! I really like this one. The story of the ultimate loser, can't even succeed at killing himself. I find it comical in a bizzare sort of way. I think I would leave off the last line, since it is obvious. Or maybe that could be worked into the title. Attention: The Train that Was Suppose to Run You Over Has Been Cancelled.HAPPY THURSDAY!

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  23. It is really good; just flowed so well; even though it talks abt death - I'd like to hope that he changed his mind and his will to live came back:) and all's well,

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  24. hmmm .. One could make a movie out of this .. hehe

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  25. i forgot how cool your writing style is! Ive missed reading it!

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  26. ha, death can wait while the belly fills up! :)

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