I taste the salt with the flick of my tongue
familiar taste, yet unknown
when my arms encircle you
my senses awaken from stupor
responding to the inherent aroma that is you
when you pull me closer
I decidedly plunge myself into you
sensing an echoing flush
slowly I let my tears fall
and find them intermingled with yours
"transiently permanent, our welded souls"
Photo credit: Rick Mobbs. Click on the picture to find out more.
Romantic,and sweet. My nose picks up the scent doesn't quite have the
ReplyDeletesame softly romantic tone as the
rest of your poem.
I did say it is a rough draft. I changed it. Hope this reads better...
ReplyDeleteThe line that jars a little for me is pure senses taking over what is left of it
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure what is meant by "pure senses" or what "it" refers to - would something just like "pure sensuousness takes over" go along with your intentions?
otherwise I really like this.
The power of the senses is well captured here. I have had the experience of smelling or tasting something that evokes a whole catalog of associations that transports me to another place. It can be quite an emotional experience, as you describe here. (For me, though, the magic item is usually onions, though!) Thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteWriting in Faith: Poems
passionate, gautami
ReplyDelete'my thoughts go kaput' made me laugh, which I doubt was your intention as the rest of the peom is very sweet, full of the surprise of a first love.
ReplyDeleteI like this. Keep working on it. (If I were revising it, I'd emphasize the evocative and reduce the explanatory.)
ReplyDeletei like image prompts, it's quite challenging. i have done some and quite enjoyed it.
ReplyDeletei think you have done pretty well here. :)
A beautiful love poem! It reads wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteTry aroma -- scent is not bad, it's better than smell (which could be bad!).
Initially I put aroma. I don't know what made me change to scent. Now I am back to aroma! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt's great to "push the envelope" a bit, isn't it? Interesting and definitely a switch from some of your other recent works. Glad I stopped by Gautami.
ReplyDeletewww.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
lovely piece. Nice juxtaposition with the image, too
ReplyDeleteVery sensual Tami! I enjoyed seeing yet another dimension of you. ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't improve it anymore! It's perfect already! This is so evocative and filled with longing and sweet surrender! Who says you can't write love poems?!
ReplyDeleteWow. I should have read this sooner! I didn't know you could do this! I hope it works. Thanks for informing us of this cool trick!
ReplyDeleteTami, this is lovely. You are really getting more less form minded and more free verse. I love.
ReplyDeletelove you, Melanie
No such word as can't!
ReplyDeleteAnd just what do you need to get right?????
I think it is just fine and I SHOULD KNOW!
I love it, gautami! It feels like the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam... :)
ReplyDeleteAnother stellar one, my friend. Yearning, indeed. It oozes out of this. That's a most excellent thing.
ReplyDeleteI've reached here from One Single Impression, thanks to Sandy, and am glad to have dropped by.:)
ReplyDeleteI like your poetry. The best part for me was about your 'welded souls.'
i disagree...i think you have done a superb job writing 'mushy stuff'! the leaning into one another, inhaling the aroma of one's beloved...all so very passionate & beautiful
ReplyDeleteI think you more or less got it captured now; I'd probably resist trying to polish it any further - sit on it for six months and then look at it again.
ReplyDeleteI can see a real progress in your writing. I really like the opening and closing lines in this poem. Kudos to you to be willing to revise.
ReplyDeletethis is lovely. I'm a sucker for the romantic stuff. I hope you don't edit too much. sometimes things are better a bit raw, and I think you more or less captured the essence.
ReplyDeleteI'm a sucker for love poems, too, and this qualifies as a lovely love poem.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and sweet love poem! I always enjoy when you write about love.
ReplyDeleteIt is, indeed, a departure from your 'style' but a decidedly interesting and enjoyable one!
ReplyDeleteit is in the intermingling we find peace... yes... a beautiful poem.
ReplyDeletei'm late for the party but this sounds great to me...
ReplyDelete..for sharing these expressions of 'love' thank u..
ReplyDelete