so many nights embedded in my mind
where to start, where to end-
as a child sitting on my dad's lap
I listened to stories before
I fell asleep cocooned by his love.
then those campfires, yellowing
flame flickered, night life came alive
surrounded by friends, singing
in my stupid voice. I wonder now
how all of you tolerated me?
before exams, nights did not exist
all those cramming made it disappear
into God knows where. One thought
I would catch up after I finish the tests-
supposedly essential to make me grow up
why do nights have a way of making me
feel guilty? most, when I wish to escape
forgetting my worries, wishing badly
for a dreamless sleep. that deadening state
which ought to relax and make me stress free?
"why do you have to intrude on my nights,
aren't my waking hours enough for you?
"Resist no temptation: a guilty conscience is more honorable than regret”
ReplyDeleteI agree with Oscar Wilde..
"I can resist everything but temptation" and "the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it"
Guilt schmilt.
Some of us are just hard-wired for guilt. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
ReplyDeleteI loved yout images of stories in your father's lap, singing around the campfire, cramming for exams.
Now, if we could just solve that guilt problem...
Come here.**** Hugs****
ReplyDeleteI adore your last 2 lines - fantabulous!
ReplyDeleteI could follow you through each stage - it is true that as each season of life changes, so does every aspect - I never thought of how my nights change with the day. Facinating.
"I listened to stories before
ReplyDeleteI fell asleep cocooned by his love."
This reminds me of my dad and me! Beautiful lines!
Im here im here....being nocturnal creature myself...im lost my head.
ReplyDelete//why do nights have a way of making me
feel guilty? most, when I wish to escape
forgetting my worries, wishing badly
for a dreamless sleep. that deadening state
which ought to relax and make me stress free?//
hey I want to dream...every time i sleep i try and try to remember something hoping it'll b in my dreams.
you know gautami...i need a change of scene...and I dont know how or where to find it :(
Night is when the mind truly roams. Scary.
ReplyDeleteYou put it beautifully as always.
That was so nice, light to dark, hopeful cocooned one to tortured poet alone in the night. I love the color of your thoughts. It's similar to mine :-)
ReplyDeletehow to make peace with one's self? - we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else would think to be --- if we could provide that cocoon in the lap feeling for ourselves??? --- i wish!!!
ReplyDeletemy dad also used to tell me stories at night when I was little. and that's one of my favorite moments with him.
ReplyDeleteLove that last line!
ReplyDeleteAlso love nights by a campfire!
If only we could shut off our minds like a light switch.
ReplyDeleteBIG HUG!
No rest from thoughts ever! But I can't imagine wishing for dreamless sleep. I love my dreamlife!
ReplyDeleteThe poem is put together well with each stanza being a different time in your life. I want to know more when I get to the last one, but you keep us wondering. Good work. Back later.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it about the night? Anything weighing heavily on us hones in even closer...I loved your poem! :~)
ReplyDeletethe night hour's a strange time to be awake, great poem
ReplyDeleteYou have woven a tale that begins with peaceful sleep due to stories and your dads love. Ending with sleep that haunts. Perhaps a storyteller in your life would be the magic you seek.
ReplyDeleteOur nights have evolved through life... I love the image of you falling asleep cocooned in your father's love.
ReplyDeleteah, the power of the night... sometimes soothing, sometimes disturbing...
ReplyDeletethere must be a dark secret contained in those last words...
wow... you expressed this so well... yes, sleep at night should be a peaceful rest but sometimes guilt intrude.
ReplyDeleteLike granny smith, I also like your images and stories about you and your father here.
Night is not a time for escape it seems. I am glad that I am not alone in that regard.
ReplyDeleteb
the invasion of the self at night...what a beautiful sentiment in the last 2 lines of your post. amazing!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic ending! It's true that sometimes there's no escaping everything in our lives. But other times I manage that and going to bed is a time-out.
ReplyDeleteBoy can I relate to this one! I think it comes with being a woman, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife!
ReplyDeleteSo much to worry about it never shuts off....so many depending on us! Excellent read!! Loved your poem!
Hugs Giggles
Awesome :) Liked it totally !!
ReplyDeleteVery good. I liked it all.
ReplyDeleteoh how I like this, and all your poetry! so poignant, and the ending came as a surprise and left me therefore reading the poem over again. Nights should be peaceful shouldn't they..
ReplyDeletelovely.. the growing up and the worries seeping in.. paints a realistic picture.. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat description of some bad nights! Was it wrong to have enjoyed this?
ReplyDeleteAdore the pain embedded in the final question!
ReplyDeleteGemma
last two lines are keepers.. yes, the nights are so much more active than the day sometimes... just as much alive even in sleep.. enjoyed the journey..
ReplyDeletewhy do nights have a way of making me
ReplyDeletefeel guilty?
Quite amazing how a person can interpret a prompt in so many ways.
Appealing!
"why do you have to intrude on my nights, / aren't my waking hours enough for you?"
ReplyDeleteGreat speculative ending!