Saturday 3 October 2009

holding on my breath

in that misted dawn
lantern of the sun
touches my skin

that first kiss of the day
shows me the way
to face a day, any day

without your presence
that mildest of essence
sends me to a seance

out of my window
my visions lay low
towards the sea I bow

I feel more kisses, so light
from that first light
before it gets dazzling bright

my descent to the concrete
is a follow up for ascent to the sky
I need to get out of that attic more often

30 comments:

  1. beautiful dear:)..enjoyed my read;)

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  2. An original take on the prompt. I like it.

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  3. i think a first kiss can transform one's life in ways unimaginable. and then, your ending spruced my thoughts in a new direction. great write. hope all is well.

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  4. Golly, now I know why I can't get up and out anymore. I am missing that catalytic kiss of my morning.
    This is cute. With the exception of the last verse your rhyme works well. Keeping those is hard with the short lines.
    ..

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  5. I personally loved the connection between kisses and light. What a great thought! (Thank you for your opinion on which haiku.)

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  6. All very pretty and romantic and light until that concrete (reality?) bites? A slight twist of irony?

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  7. Loved the rhyme and the essense of it. Beautiful take on the prompt.

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  8. Light and kiss and hope....And survival out there. I enjoyed this very much.

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  9. I loved this poem...especially the last line, which made me smile.

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  10. That first kiss is all it takes for a good day. Nice imagery too.

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  11. :) wonderful first kiss!! a gem of a poem!

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  12. Wow, so moving and bright, strange lol and beautiful

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  13. I love the image of the "lantern of the sun" Gautami! Also the idea of descending to start the day -- as if the night time were on a higher plane metaphorically as well as up in the attic!

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  14. Indeed the attic can clutter a person`s visions...loved your awakening.

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  15. This poetry brought a smile at this end. Thank you.

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  16. i need to spend more time here...

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  17. your words remind me of morning prayer at dawn, as the first rays bathe the world...& how "re-entry" into the day's mundane can be jarring.

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  18. It's not good to stay in the attic - glad you can be freed by a kiss. Neat work!

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  19. Loved the first verse best, but it was all gorgeous!

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  20. As always my friend, you make me reach out to poetry, which is not my thing, and I am happy for it.

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  21. I like this stanza:

    'that first kiss of the day
    shows me the way
    to face a day, any day'

    As well as the way you wrap up the poem.

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  22. Liked the surprise ending to this - you always have such original ideas.

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  23. nicely done--you always seem to have a "hook" at the end of your poems. I was also intrigued by the rhyme scheme--with all but the first and last verses rhyming.

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  24. A lovely surprise at the end. Very well done. Thank you.

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  25. I love the way the rhyme falls apart at the end.

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  26. Nicely done- very creative use of rhyme!

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