I always ask myself, who am I? What am I? Why am I in this world? These are some of the questions, we seldom find answers to. We keep seeking. Many of us go about in this world, not knowing, not asking. They are simply happy with their lot. They do not question anything. Maybe thats the best attitude to take, maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I keep asking questions about myself, to myself. Those are never resolved.
For others, I am Gautami Tripathy, a daughter, sister, friend in the broader sense. For kids, I am a favourite teacher/aunt, as the case maybe. I have a happy disposition, at least outwardly. I have a sense of fairness, I love to interact with people. I accept others with their faults and follies. No one is perfect. As I am not, I do not expect others to be. But I am a very hard task master for myself. I wish I was less angry, less, crazy, less mad. These are all within me, visible only when I go off the lid. Otherwise I am learning to have more patience, more tolerance. These changes have been noticed by my mom and my colleagues. With children, I have always been that. Kids do not respond to anger. They respond to love with underlying firmness.
When I set out to write this, I did not know what to write. I still don't know. Maybe it will take a lifetime to be able to know myself. Maybe more...
For now, I am enjoying being with myself, sometimes reading, sometimes just keeping silent, doing nothing, seating in a park bench reflecting inwards. Or watching people. Or birds. or staring at nothing.