Tuesday, 6 October 2009

get that card for me

that card, invisible though it is
where now do I search for it?

my sanity

who now is a total stranger
swirls in and out

would it stay or come out-

when now?

unsound cavities in my teeth
rattle rapidly like windowpanes

my painful gut

searches for that invisible card
with your numbers on it

I limit myself

& stretch my vocal chords
which renders it fallow
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20 comments:

  1. Lorraine6 October 2009 at 10:19

    oh girl, I get that...let me know if it really exists ;)

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  2. anthonynorth6 October 2009 at 14:09

    An excellent treatment.

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  3. Yellow Tulip6 October 2009 at 23:59

    nicely done:)..keep it up:)

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  4. Daily Panic7 October 2009 at 06:47

    i got the feeling that this was anexiety of loosing a phone number of a love... with all it's complexity.

    if so I hope it is found.

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  5. Ana7 October 2009 at 09:04

    sometimes, when old cards with phone numbers and memories and all that fades is for the best, for we can fiond ourselves again...
    well done, love the ending...

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  6. April Belle7 October 2009 at 09:43

    Love this line:

    "my sanity

    who now is a total stranger
    swirls in and out"

    Oh man! I know what that feels like... This was a great look into the abyss.

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  7. Tumblewords:7 October 2009 at 19:36

    Terrific imagery. I'm particularly drawn to 'sanity - who is now a total stranger...' Enjoyed this!

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  8. Janice Thomson7 October 2009 at 21:09

    "...unsound cavities in my teeth
    rattle rapidly like windowpanes..."
    I love these lines - such imagery!

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  9. Leo7 October 2009 at 21:46

    brilliant!!

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  10. Sweetest in the Gale8 October 2009 at 05:19

    This was intense, and beautifully written!

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  11. pjd8 October 2009 at 07:53

    Terrific verb choices and multisensory imagery. Almost sane, but not quite.

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  12. PS : De-abbreviate as you like ;)9 October 2009 at 06:08

    nicely done ! :)

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  13. Radio Nowhere9 October 2009 at 07:09

    A nicely done piece...

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  14. Amias9 October 2009 at 07:11

    Running around in circles, yes, I have been in this place --- a very creative write.

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  15. Maggie9 October 2009 at 09:04

    I am not sure I would recognize my sanity if I met it in broad day light...it has been a stranger for so long.:)

    I enjoyed this read.

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  16. Cricket9 October 2009 at 22:30

    I had to read this a couple of times - it touched so deeply

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  17. Winnie the poohi10 October 2009 at 00:19

    The last 3 lines .. is just awesome!

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  18. AnAestheticBard10 October 2009 at 08:28

    As if in a dream…...‘Sanity,…..a total stranger’ loved that one,
    ‘& stretch my vocal chords
    which renders it fallow’
    fantastic imagery.

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  19. b10 October 2009 at 20:08

    I have been there...I used to say "Please tell me where I can find peace." Now I know the card will be found but not before a soulful search is conducted. Do not be sad...the world can feel your angst.

    b

    Thank you for your comment.

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  20. Irene11 October 2009 at 23:32

    Oh the elusive contact...i like how cavities rattle.

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