Thursday, 6 November 2008

ribbons of her thoughts



unseen fall that divides
the soul’s duality
ribbons of her thoughts
tie her down
the radar eyes
scans the forgotten creases

if she carries enough chips
they will become
too heavy to hold
breaking her to splinters

tend the bruise,
the insult, the scab. glue
and mop. restore
and then watch
how the line of her lips
curves into the morning


Collaborative: Taken lines from Rob Kistner, Rethabile, Jeeves, Holly, Nathan and my own.
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21 comments:

  1. Whitesnake6 November 2008 at 05:02

    Now I really enjoyed this one......

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  2. Arv6 November 2008 at 05:22

    That was an interesting read...

    Nice compilation...

    Have a nice evening.. cheers...

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  3. anthonynorth6 November 2008 at 06:48

    You're getting deeper and deeper. Excellent.

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  4. Bill6 November 2008 at 07:05

    I don't know which lines are your own here, but the last two lines, whether "yours" or not, are beautifully placed.

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  5. winedarksea6 November 2008 at 09:31

    • very well knit

    • smooth resolution

    • fine work

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  6. Borut6 November 2008 at 10:12

    Heavy thoughts sending my own to splinterts! A go.d job!:)

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  7. tumblewords6 November 2008 at 14:00

    The title is wonderful! And the poem is powerful.

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  8. Bobbi6 November 2008 at 14:47

    "...ribbons of her thoughts
    tie her down." Nice!

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  9. Linda Jacobs6 November 2008 at 16:44

    wow, you did a great job making sense with these lines.
    "the line of her lips
    curves into the morning" is just a gorgeous image!

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  10. holly6 November 2008 at 17:01

    yes...I can really relate to this one...it definitely shows some of my layers...great job!

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  11. Stan Ski6 November 2008 at 17:02

    Lots of images jump out of the words.

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  12. Philip Thrift7 November 2008 at 04:37

    if she carries enough chips ...

    Finally dawned on me what this means!

    Very cool.

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  13. Nathan7 November 2008 at 05:06

    I really like the way "soul's duality" is echoed by the image of her lips.

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  14. christine7 November 2008 at 06:26

    You did a great job finding your own poem in the mix of lines. I like the hopeful ending.

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  15. Rob Kistner7 November 2008 at 08:59

    gautami -

    this was a wonderful piece... ;)

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  16. ...deb7 November 2008 at 10:31

    Beautiful. Full of the ambiguity of being human.

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  17. J. Andrew Lockhart7 November 2008 at 20:26

    I really like this one!

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  18. Susan Helene Gottfried8 November 2008 at 18:06

    The wisdom in here staggers me, lady. Nicely done!

    (I especially love the chips being too heavy to hold... that stanza's amazing)

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  19. polona9 November 2008 at 09:59

    this works very well

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  20. AmbiguityLotus9 November 2008 at 15:38

    This is lovely.

    There are lots of wonderful lines in this poem. I enjoyed reading this.

    Also, thank you kindly for visiting my poetry journal!

    Cheers!

    http://alotus-poetry.livejournal.com

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  21. SweetTalkingGuy12 November 2008 at 16:52

    Love the way you fitted this all together, cool as a cucumber!

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