Wednesday 1 July 2009

sweetness of my yearning collapses

you are not here

I close the door,
collapse on the floor

you are not here

I clutch you kerchief,
yearn for your scent

you are not here

I walk into the kitchen,
bite into a peach

you are not here

I let the sweet juice
melt into my mouth

you are not here

I cherish this moment
thankful for the space

you are not here

I hear the bell peal,
open the door

now you are here

20 comments:

  1. Love the title you chose for this one. At first I thought this was about the loss of someone close but the ending redirected my thoughts. Great write. Hope all is well.

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  2. Phew, glad you found him/her, love the way you got all the words into the title!
    <3

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  3. the repeat of the single line really makes this work on the whole. The sweet anticipation builds until that moment.

    Ritual

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  4. very nice... esp the title :)
    being a participant of 3ww myself, i could get to know the inspiration quick...

    coming to ur post, i like the repetitive use of "you are not here"... the anxiety and wait could be seen easily... nicely done...

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  5. As I read this, I kept thinking, yes, it's like this, and this - wonderful!!

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  6. I liked the build up to the ending. the ending made me smile.

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  7. love the short lines and the repetition--it works well!

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  8. The repetitive lines only added to her yearning...with a happy outcome.

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  9. The simplicity of this is wonderful. It reminds me of Jane Kenyon's "Otherwise." (But I like yours better!)

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  10. This turned out happy - I thought maybe it would not be so. Nice!

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  11. Oh I LOVED the ending! It was such a surprise, and had a real oomph to it. I can't explain myself perfectly - will you understand me if I say, your intention with this worked.

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  12. I love the simplicity and the repetition in this. So deceptively spare, but it packs a delicious punch!

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  13. its awsome!
    very nicely done!

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  14. Beautifully written! :)
    Sweet verse!

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  15. the waiting is usually the worst but the reward is so much better in the end, at least that's how this poem seems to me

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  16. I thought it would end by a sad note. But thanks for the happy ending

    http://fullofcherries.blogspot.com/2009/07/victory.html

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  17. I am imagining this sequence spans months and represents the phases of recovery from a failed relationship. I'm not so sure the end is a happy one... perhaps more of a new beginning than an ending.

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