Sunday, 20 April 2008

sweetly soured-----Read Write Poem/Monday Poetry Train

And come ride the Poetry Train...

melting chocolate sinfully tastes like heaven
does it matter, I can't taste proper food
attainment of nirvana was never far behind
my teeth are broken and brittle
is it not bliss like spoonful of natural honey?
my stomach is upset, mostly bloated
mouth waters by those mere thoughts
tongue always craves for something sweet
butterscotch coated with caramelised sugar
stuck in the crevices, creating cavities
still crunchy taste makes me swoon


  1. I'm a complete chocoholic. I think this is a poem about me.

  2. The intertwined lines call to mind the voice of a young person in love with the joy of tasting delicious foods, wit the voice of someone who is either ill or dying, unable to enjoy the pleasures of life.

    Wonderful poem, gautami, as usual.

  3. I look forward to reading your contribution every week. This particular poem makes me sad. It brings to mind someone who can no longer enjoy simple pleasures.

  4. this is 'put together' so well. i really dislike discussing myself...but it almost depicts how i felt 4 years ago, when i had salivary gland cancer of the palate--i could not eat, or drink, and i felt almost like this person, almost jealous of other people because they took forgranted EVERYTHING that i could not do! but, that was 4 yrs. ago, and i appreciate things a little more; such as chocolate, and eating in and of itself!! nice poem.

  5. The contrast of each line was so stark but somehow it all jelled, like a remembrance of things past for the speaker- or a vision of things to come perhaps...
    Very well done, Gautami!

  6. i'll never taste chocolate in the same way again aftre reading this... great stuff!

  7. Awe, how sweet. He he.
    Fun poem

  8. Mouth Watering.

    Do you remember Alice Cooper's song Unfinished Sweet?
    "I went to the doc I guess he ought to know,
    which ones can stay and which ones gotta go,
    he looks in my mouth and then he starts to gloat,
    he says my teeth are OK but my gums gotta go!"

  9. Loving something and not being able to have it are common enough themes in poetry, but this is the first time I've seen it done like this! Kudos for your creative take on this prompt.

  10. Wow, this really worked well! I love how it reads so smoothly.

  11. It this a subliminal message? you WON'T BE ABLE to stop me from eating chocoalte,Gautami!

  12. Very well Done.
    Have a nice day.

  13. The contrast is worked into it so well, it is great! thanks for sharing and thank you for taking the time to comment

  14. gautami,
    Sweetly done and now i'm off for a bowl of ice cream!