Saturday, 3 February 2007

Finally....Sunday Scribblings

This week's Sunday Scribblings post for Goodbyes has acted as a kind of catharsis for me. An open goodbye from me, in broken sentences, disjointed thoughts. I have not edited it. I could not edit it.

Having known you for long,
I never thought one day I would stop knowing you.
Stop thinking of you.
Stop loving you.
Stop to share myself with you.
Just stop.
How does anyone stop?
That complete whole part, how does one break it deliberately?
How does one even contemplate it?
Seems impossible, doesn’t it?

But I had to do this.
For myself.
For my sanity.
This unhealthy subjugation of me was taking a toll.
In all way possible.

I say good bye in the only way I can.
Cremating all that was there inside my mind
in the funeral pyre that is burning so bright within my heart,
within my mind,
within my soul.
Along with that I burn myself….
freeing me from that state which had taken hold of me
for so long
that I couldn’t see beyond it…

Finally I am free.
Free from that self-destructing force.
Finally I could do it.
Finally I said goodbye.
Finally I can see beyond you.

See within myself.

For more on goodbyes, check here.


  1. Please, no - take back not thine poeme...

    "Baby come back -
    Any kind of fool can see
    I am lost and I just can't
    Live without cha."

    - I forget. Beegees? No, I don't think so.

    But please, I don't know what I've done here... Subjugated? I really thought you were sort of the bossy one in our relationship. I don't mean this in an unkind way, I admire strong women.

    Ardently Yours,
    Percy Bysshe Silly

  2. love the
    third verse

    send you this:

    third verse from leonard cohen's 'joan of arc' (a conversation between joan & fire)

    Then fire, make your body cold,
    I'm going to give you mine to hold,
    Saying this she climbed inside
    To be his one, to be his only bride.
    And deep into his fiery heart
    He took the dust of joan of arc,
    And high above the wedding guests
    He hung the ashes of her wedding dress.


  3. oh my.... powerful and moving and resonant of thoughts in my own head... but expressed far betterbmkbdg

  4. ooops.. sorry.. no wonder I couldn't post; I'd typed the word verification letters in my comment... doh!!!!!!

  5. I've been through a similar relationship. Very powerful piece.

  6. well done. I've felt this kind of goodbye before we're we let go of all the things that blur our whole self convincing us without something out there, we are not in fact whole.

    My favorite line, "Cremating all that was there inside my mind
    in the funeral pyre that is burning so bright within my heart..."

  7. What a great love you must have had to be able to write this!

  8. No need for editing here--it flows just like you think and feel--
    and I guess we've all been there!

    It takes guts to go through with it, though,
    also to write about it so honestly--
    Very well done!

    I loved your previous post, too!

  9. Such a strong poem, I feel. I can relate so much to the questions that you ask and the feelings that you convey. I'm glad that the process of writing it was cathartic.

    Beautiful work!

  10. gautami, i agree with Firebird that it takes courage to write with the kind of honesty you have. Your thoughts and feelings come through very clearly. The stanza, "Cremating all that was there
    inside my mind
    in the funeral pyre .... " that for me, is the most powerful part of the poem. And that you begin by asking questions. Sometimes there are no perfectly clear answers to the questions. The fire sheds light on what seems impossible.

  11. It takes a strong woman with a gentle heart to reach deep and come up with such magical wording

  12. wow. you've written a gem here. i hope the person you've released was a total jerk. that makes it alot easier....

    your courage is obvious. i wish you everything good!

  13. This is a very powerful poem, Gautami. I don't know if goodbyes are any easier when we're the ones making the decision to say goodbye, but it certainly seems to give us a power and strength beyond any that we knew...
    Really wonderful...

  14. raw and bleeding.

    just leave it as it is , gautami.
    i like it.

  15. well done
    i hope it has helped

  16. great act...and you wrote it so well...

  17. Speechless, so painful and so true. Thank you.

  18. Very powerfully described feelings. That burning... it attracts me as an image. Thank you.

  19. cool :)

    there is no end until memories fade.

  20. i think of 'Lady Lazarus' rising from the ash with red hair.

    baptism by fire - it takes much courage to go through it, but those who dare, get only stronger, no?


  21. Congratulations on everything. Beautiful poem.

  22. Powerful. This line - "This unhealthy subjugation of me was taking a toll." especially touched me. It speaks very much to what I am doing for myself right now. Thank you for visiting. I will return for more of your poetry.

  23. Very poweful, especially the third stanza and I can well relate too.

  24. the first thing on my mind when i read this was wow! powerfull stuff... but i see others have felt the same.
    takes courage to write like that and you did it so well!

  25. My wrist watch stopped.
    The battery was dead.
    Bought a new one.
    Gave a new life
    for my wrist watch!

  26. I am so glad that you could break free. I know it is hard, but it seems that it was the best thing you could do for yourself. You are a strong and courageous woman.

  27. You have so beautifully pointed out that the end of one thing is the beginning of another...

  28. Powerful.

    We can all relate.

    BTW, the song percival referenced was by Ambrosia, I believe.

    Don't go back. Not if your poem is honest.

    You will end up at the same place.
    And have to go through it all again.
    Trust me on that.
    I'm no expert.
    And I've never walked in your shoes, but . . .

    I've learned the hard way too many times!

    Thanks for visiting this morning! I will be reading more of your posts.

  29. I've felt these thougths and I'm glad we are free!

  30. What a powerful post. I was struck by many lines, this one in particular:

    "Cremating all that was there inside my mind"

    Thanks for sharing your words.

  31. sweet yet very sad! I just hate Goodbyes.


  32. This is an interesting way to look at it.

  33. i love the line, how does anyone stop? It's something I wonder quite a bit!

  34. Courageous, independent, raw.

  35. Absolutely beautiful post! I'll keep coming back to read these words over and over.

  36. Good for your for getting out of that, as difficult as it was. Difficult, I can really sense that. But I can tell you are stronger for it.

  37. Self-realization writing from your heart. I easily understand why you could not edit it. (See the preface on mine. That's why it has not changed from rough draft in 2 years.))

    GeL 500 Miles- Taking the Bull by Its Horns

  38. Gautami, I LOVE this poem. If only more of us heeded the wisdom that it contains.

    Onward, onward, as Katherine Hepburn was fond of saying (she also was famous for saying, "Norman ... is that you? Which really doesn't apply here).

  39. it's no one's job to be subjugated...the only true role to play is your own character. be grateful to be free.

  40. Thanks friends. I am unable to say that individually. I appreciate your concern and support.

    I love my blogger friends!

    percival: It is over, done with.


  41. /t: Simply loved the verse you posted here. Thanks!

  42. i love the brutal emotional honesty of this. it shows real courage to put your feelings out there like this. thank you for sharing.

    and thanks for all the supportive comments on my blog :)

  43. That's really're very discriptive. I could see in my head so many different images and ideas. It made me smile to read the clarity and strength in it.

  44. You're right, this does echo my own writing this week.

    You shouldn't edit this - the raw emotion is part of what makes it so powerful.

  45. tania, thanks. Sometimes getting it all out is all it takes to accept it and move on. You are welcome anytime.

    geosomin, twilightspider and mb: Thanks. I appreciate it.

  46. I like your honesty and raw emotion. I have had this good-bye before.

  47. In a debata some time ago, a mature woman said it takes seven years for a woman to feee herself from a previous relationship. Not being a woman, I might add: Can take even more, much more!:) A good one! Freedom takes time!:)

  48. jone: Hugs!

    borut: yes. It is not easy to let go.

  49. Goodness girl, this is such a fantastic piece of writing! I have never believed in burning bridges, I have always clung to my past, including my exes, but I see now, that sometimes you do need a complete severance of ties to make a fresh start.

    I have enjoyed reading this! When it comes to the written word you soar, Gautami! I love it! :)

  50. It is not easy, Lotus. Very painful.

  51. Hi, Gautami!

    Thanks for dropping by plutoland. Actually, I quoted a line from your poem in my latest post. I hope that's okay. (I gave you credit and linked to this entry.)