Saturday, 14 February 2009

you clutch the vacuum

getting up from bed
I feel the walls shaking
walking awkwardly
towards the stove
I warm last night's tea

bedcovers lie on floor
you clutch the vacuum,
which is as naked as you
sweet smell of love turns
bitterly sour in the morning

sipping the obnoxious tea,
I look at you with a hatred
so fierce, anger so unknown
your snores goad me,
I pour the tea on you

your sudden shout does
nothing but the scalding stains
on your body remind me
of ghosts from my past
spectral of that hanging over

"that tea was undrinkable, anyways"
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32 comments:

  1. Julia Smith14 February 2009 at 17:07

    Wow - what an exciting poem. Dark, but I like dark. I really felt the rage of the narrator. And how the insults of a bad relationship lurk in all the everyday details.

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  2. Whitesnake14 February 2009 at 20:43

    So, Ya not a morning person huh?

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  3. JP/deb14 February 2009 at 21:17

    Brilliant and dark ... how simple household objects can take on so much meaning. Peace, JP/deb

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  4. desert rat14 February 2009 at 23:42

    That went to an unexpected place - in a good way. Dark bitter thoughts, indeed. I like how the objects play an active and not just passively symbollic role.

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  5. Edward S Gault15 February 2009 at 00:52

    A great read!-excellent poem!

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  6. anthonynorth15 February 2009 at 01:40

    There is beauty in darkness.

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  7. spacedlaw15 February 2009 at 02:20

    Such moment of folly in the dark hours...

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  8. SandyCarlson15 February 2009 at 05:15

    What passion! Sure can feel this one. I have known such hauntings.


    (PS You're on for next week, too, with "twilight"!)

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  9. Haiku Tuna15 February 2009 at 05:42

    Love it! poetic expression of anger is my next phase. Is it just me thinking the vacuum was the nothingness where the author should have been?

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  10. watermaid15 February 2009 at 05:51

    I wouldn't have liked to be on the receiving end of that 'obnoxious tea'.

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  11. Lorraine15 February 2009 at 07:37

    fine line between love and hate, and there you've showned passionately ;)

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  12. kitehorse15 February 2009 at 07:46

    clever c lever clever ~ spectre as the nothingness where you lay ~ oh well done

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  13. Maggie15 February 2009 at 07:49

    I will never think of a cup of tea in the same way :)

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  14. fourwindshaiga15 February 2009 at 09:55

    I knew this poem was not going to have a happy ending, with I started it, but couldn't see how you were going to work spectral into it. But you did a great job!

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  15. polona15 February 2009 at 09:56

    passion can go either way... excellent stuff

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  16. Deborah Godin15 February 2009 at 10:27

    This is crowded (in a good way) with images of things so many can relate too. Wonderful slice of life (and love)!

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  17. Beth P.15 February 2009 at 10:40

    Tea is like that sometimes.

    Wow...thank you for the cellular memories embedded in this one, Gautami--

    Thanks for the prompt--

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  18. Jim15 February 2009 at 12:05

    Oh Guatami, this is wonderful. Thank you for the sampling of the 'ghosts of [your] past.'

    Thank you, Gautami, for this nice prompt.
    I had conjured up angels of death driving along on the highway creating mass chaos. But I ran out of time, sorry. ;-)
    Please read my appology, thanks.
    ..

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  19. Linda Jacobs15 February 2009 at 12:33

    Waht a picture you've created here! Perfect words!

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  20. TJ15 February 2009 at 15:36

    That day ol' tea will take you places.
    Angery/dark and very descriptive.
    Good job.
    TJ

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  21. Amias15 February 2009 at 15:44

    Ouch that hurt! Love can get that way sometimes .. this was much enjoyable.

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  22. endurogirl15 February 2009 at 16:04

    the second stanza is so powerful. Sour, very sour. An excellent read.

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  23. Quiet Paths15 February 2009 at 16:26

    wow, i might not taste tea quite the same again....
    you carry the reader all the way through to the scalding...

    thank you for the prompt idea this week.

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  24. SweetTalkingGuy15 February 2009 at 16:35

    I felt that, it's like a bad dream I had...

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  25. floreta15 February 2009 at 22:00

    revenge that tastes so sweet!

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  26. Fledgling Poet16 February 2009 at 05:27

    Wow, this took a dark turn that I wasn't expecting...your really grabbed me with the quick twist to the dark side!

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  27. Bill16 February 2009 at 09:20

    Sheesh, I'd cut down on the caffeine. By the way, one of those transoceanic misunderstandings: when you speak of embracing the vacuum, I first get an image of a vacuum cleaner. But I think the image/moment you're going for there is the strongest thing in the poem: the sense that he embraces nothingness as passionately as he embraced you. In fact, I think you could build a poem around that.

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  28. one more believer16 February 2009 at 10:14

    thrz nothing like passion, written all over that... grouchy in the morning, stay outta my way sorta gal.... like mentioned the whole vaccum thing is subtle so strong...amazing how such a small thing as snoring can really tick one off

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  29. Tumblewords:16 February 2009 at 15:38

    Tension is strong in this piece. It is dark in a way and yet tells of another day. Another cup of tea.

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  30. zoya gautam17 February 2009 at 13:57

    ..thank u for a good prompt and a good poem..

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  31. Janice Thomson17 February 2009 at 14:24

    Wow! Excellent poem Guatami. The stark emotions really put the reader at the scene with you feeling your pain.

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  32. Laurieluc18 February 2009 at 16:50

    I have been thinking about your poem all week long--Can't get it out of my head. What a great read. Thank you!

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