Wednesday, 25 February 2009

bop it!

I look above the sky
searching for your face
looking down,
I itch and scratch
stomping my feet
on the ground. don't you know

if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more. to you.

why the hell did I walk
in this heat on the tarred road?
why did I let your words fool me
now my shoes are stuck.
with a false smile on my face
I keep cursing you
and I gotta tell you

if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more. to you.

to have a last look at you
to make you squirm
under my gaze
to shake you from your stupor
wiping your gloating smile
happily watch you disintegrate

if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more.
from you.


*******

Here the refrain line is courtsey of deb

The Bop:

First stanza, six lines presenting a situation, event, or problem.
Two line refrain.
Second stanza, eight lines, expanding on the first stanza.
Two line refrain.
Third stanza, six lines, resolving or concluding the poem.
Two line refrain.



28 comments:

  1. I love this! Wow, the images are so crisp and your emotion really comes through!

    BTW, I fixed the Mr. linky and added your link. Sorry!

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  2. I don't know what to say, G, except I really adored this.

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  3. You are so imaginative, an original, for sure ;)

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  4. I like this bop form. I like how you use the repetition, too.

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  5. Wow, this is terrific! I think I'll leave bopping to the experts like you, and save my bopping for the dance floor!

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  6. I must say the imagery of this poem is pretty strong. Nice one!

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  7. Nicely done gautami. I liked the refrain :-)

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  8. The change from "to you" to "from you" in the last stanza: that makes this poem zing!

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  9. I love the repetition in this form and the way you worked with it. I could feel the strong emotion from your words. Excellent!

    Thanks for stopping by. I agree with your comment.

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  10. Wow, Gautami! You took the refrain and really ran with it (sorry for the cliche' but I couldn't help myself!)

    Terrific imagery that works so well with the form. It's fun to read! (And thanks for using those lines. It was a pleasure to read them in this poem! Now they are yours. My original is http://stoneymoss.org/2009/01/02/imitation-as-collaboration/ as the last lines.)

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  11. Love the repetition and the twist in the final refrain - not sure about the conclusion line 'happily watch you disintergrate' though, as it has a sadistic finality to it. Phew!

    *distingrate?

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  12. All that torment, but you had the last laugh.

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  13. Great stuff - sings, zings and takes wing...

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  14. This is wonderful! Cleverly done!

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  15. very nice work! by the way, I like the old picture better. :)

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  16. cool example of a bop! good for you!

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  17. I like this. Good use of the refrain.

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  18. Tami, this is just great. I'm afraid that I did it wrong.
    Your images are great stuff. well done my friend.

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  19. I like the shift in the refrain at the end and how it makes me wonder if the rocks could be just an excuse.

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  20. This is really cool Guatami! The repetition is perfect. Love the twist at the end!

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  21. the turn in the last refrain really nails this

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