when i got to the book of myths,
i hesitated as i was scared to open it
my utmost fear being it might be truer
than what i had envisaged till date
still i had to open it
i loaded the camera
put on the awkward mask
with rubberised gloves
i flipped it open
a sweet smell hit my nose
almost gagging me
i saw ladders beyond the doors
within the book, which
beckoned me. i climbed down
each rung with care
yellow light surrounded me
following each of my movements
in the cold moist air
although i do feel a warmth
coming out of nowhere
a paradox in midst of snowy
hills, yellowy light dimming
fading away completely
a green aura is visible
my camera capturing it all
i see a broken glass
picking up i see my life enfolding
which had been lost in the sea
of neglected human sounds hurled
from the top of the vastness
of the sky. jealously i guard
my secret hiding the glass in my pocket
wherein i find my lost knife
which cuts deep into my palm
my blood spurts out almost pleasing me
out there in the open,
my funeral is celebrated followed by
a great feast. No wonder I smile
from my book of myths,
did I not know it would come true?
come watch all the fun
captured in my camera.
would it be too much to say
i relish the show that came out of my death?
Diving into the Wreck by Adrienne Rich inspired this post. It is a rough draft. However, that is ok with me.
Rough draft or not, very good work here.
ReplyDelete"...a paradox in midst of snowy
ReplyDeletehills..."
This passage talks to me. Nice!
Wow, rough draft? What a wonderful poem.
ReplyDeleteWell done first draft - the imagery speaks to me...
ReplyDeletei'm loving the last line...
ReplyDeletei really like the mystic feel of the whole piece....
ReplyDeleteThis is very deep and a liitle dark. The bit about spurting blood made me feel a bit dizzy, but I really enjoyed the rest of it even though it was in a draft
ReplyDeleteI get an image of someone sitting on a cloud looking down at the world after death. Very cool!
ReplyDeletewhat a vision, would anyone imagine one's one demise in this fashion, full life and the sweet hereafter? guess it's all a matter of perspective
ReplyDeleteReality and myth - an excellent take on the prompt.
ReplyDeleteinteresting :)
ReplyDeleteliked the flow of the poem ...
Rough draft or nor Gautami, I am really taken by the scope of your vision in this piece... fascinating! ;)
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts, nice images, I'd like to see what else you captured in your camera.
ReplyDeleteMacabre but beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIf rough draft is soo good, would love to see the final version.
ReplyDeleteI like the way it respects the spirit of the original poem "Diving into ..." with its own elements (broken glass, etc. employed.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need to change a thing.
ReplyDeletewhat an intriguing poem ... it's beautifully written. Makes me one to do one similar :)
ReplyDeleteHere from Sunday Scribbling - aloha!
How cool to find a book so alive - so fleshy and fluid!
ReplyDeleteI like the images invoked here.
ReplyDeleteMagical can you get back out of the book when you want to. That would be good.
ReplyDeleteLate??????
ReplyDeleteYou are NEVER late!
hey gauthami!
ReplyDeleteThis is so cool..
nice write girl!!
Great imagination, Gautami.
ReplyDeleteintriguing! the second paragraph pulled me in.
ReplyDeleteDear Gautami,
ReplyDeleteFirst, thank you sincerely for visiting my poetry journal. :) It is much appreciated.
Second, I can see how this is a rough draft that just needs a bit more of a skeleton and clean up, but other than that, I love the various phrases you used in here that makes me want to go into that book of myths and explore my world like Narnia books. :)
Here are some of my favorite lines:
"a paradox in midst of snowy / hills..."
"lost in the sea / of neglected human sounds hurled / from the top of the vastness / of the sky..."
Simply enjoyable. I'm sure the final draft of this poem will be even better. :)
Very nice.....I am glad you didn't write about "Late" because you were the first person that posted this week. You were early!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see the final draft. You will have a lot of pain in the editing process. Yet, each prune that you make may end up as a story of it's own.
Just brilliant. What a vivid picture you've painted here.
ReplyDeletehahah. i agree with whitesnake!! :) and that was a beautiful poem.
ReplyDeleteVery well done. "Rough draft," eh? Wow.
ReplyDeleteg... wow, a most enjoyable read... i can see how adrienne's poem sparked a muse... it is good to stretch yes!!!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteEnjoyable writing. Rough drafts for you are like finished products for others! Especially liked envisioning those rungs and your comparison to exploring a new book, perhaps in a cave. Yes, I see what you mean about the comment you left on my blog. I had a strong feeling you had written a new poem!
powerful stuff, gautami.
ReplyDelete