I am now hooked to American Sentences. Please do read my previous post congealed to know more about it. Here I write another one taking Writers Island prompt Dream. Penning down whole poems by the combination of American sentences is dream come true!
As for the tone of the piece, I am in THAT kind of mood lately....
covering the basics---american sentences
walking out of that store, I am barely conscious of reaching the woods
weathered trees stand soaring, I look up into the sky through the branches, awed
grain in that wood have rather a compelling anecdote to say to
those who are concerned-stopping, pause a little to lend them an ear
although I have too much in my platter to consider going out of my way
I touch rough wood, almost welcome abrasive nature digging into me
slowly atmosphere transforms, brilliant sun disappearing into the clouds
melted asphalt underneath my feet sets yet again to concrete hardness
gingerly I walk measuring my feet carefully lest I fall in a ditch
current of air has already blown the dreams away, only vast emptiness left
feeling the heaviness of it, I put my bag of grocery on that hard ground,
wait wretchedly for that forlorn bus to arrive, wishing for it to hurry
I get into that bus, take a window seat, watch lights fade into gloom
soon, arriving at my destination, I climb down, dragging my feet
to a place everyone calls my home, for me only where I sleep in
if food, clothing, shelter is what it takes, then all my dreams are fulfilled.
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I like this. Wonderful piece. Maybe I'll try American Sentences sometime.
ReplyDeleteI am not so sure about american sentences...
ReplyDelete"o a place everyone calls my home, for me only where I sleep in"
and the ending, somehow found it very sad...
love the way you can string all those individual sentences together
ReplyDeleteYes, I found it sad too, but you did it well.
ReplyDeletei am so jealous.. that was amazing.. i want to have the time to work on that ... i really enjoyed that exercise too!!!!
ReplyDelete"to a place everyone calls my home, for me only where I sleep in
ReplyDeleteif food, clothing, shelter is what it takes, then all my dreams are fulfilled." is definitely deep and thought provoking...and somehow I understood that feeling of loneliness, maybe? Really nice piece, you are really on a roll with these American sentences. Thank you.
Maybe the narrator has two homes - the dream home, and the home of waking life, where food and shelter are a necessity. In the dream world the narrator is delighted by the quickly changing textures, lights, scenery. Waking life is harder, maybe, and more mundane.
ReplyDeleteKeep up American Sentences, Gautami. I like how you're stretching your poetry. No pun intended. :)
Good job! I particularly like the last two stanzas. I am having fun with American sentences, too!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm somewhat expert on American sentences
ReplyDeleteWhile you write them better than well, Gautami comes through. Though there is an undertone of beat poetry to it. "Girls" weren't allowed into the club
I hope people think that's not all Americans want.
Many of us do dream more complex dreams
you captured so much in those sentences and took me on the back of those roiling dream clouds... and that dusty, lonely road...
ReplyDeleteI think this form suits you well, Gautami. I like this better than yesterday's piece.
ReplyDeleteAs for the tone, I'm getting a sense of imminent change -- for the better. Hang in there!!
Gautami
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing...I think we have all been there. Longing to get home to the simplicities...food, clothing and shelter which we so take for granted.
xo
Gillian
Well done! You have a way of meeting each challenge in a new and exciting way!
ReplyDeleteOnce again you came up with a great idea. How about English sentences next time?
ReplyDeletethe shifting of the moods and how it ended on a quiet note
ReplyDeletewww.thequietone.net
***to a place everyone calls my home, for me only where I sleep in
ReplyDeleteif food, clothing, shelter is what it takes, then all my dreams are fulfilled.***
a lil touch of sadness, resignation perhaps there?
that was very wel done indeed, gautami!!
Hi Guatami!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you are compiling the A.S to make a prose poem. Maybe I will try that next. I haven't tagged you in awhile, so I have one for you, in case you're interested!
http://stoneymoss.blogspot.com/2007/11/why-i-dropped-out-of-culinary-school.html
I almost didn't comment, because the number of comments was 17 before this one. First poem I see written wit these sentences. Bravo to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost like dreaming ... all these individual sentences (images) piece together a feeling of utter loneliness ... well done!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant job ... I like the format and may have to try it out! Peace, JP/deb
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a sort of 'daydream' a kind of putting a brave face on a cruel world - maybe when all your dreams are fulfilled - you need a bigger dream. just a thought!
ReplyDeletei love the way you make each individual sentence flow and blend with the others to tell a story.
ReplyDeleteI love American sentences, and the form is perfect for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to be catching up with your blog again. I've been so busy lately it's been a struggle just to post my own poetry, let alone give everyone else the courtesy of reading theirs!
Very descriptive...Is this your mood? AAw.....hoping it changes to positivity soon :)
ReplyDelete