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Totally Optionally Prompts has the following poem as its prompt, a translated work from a Chinese one.
On Hearing a Lute-Player
Your seven strings are like the voice
Of a cold wind in the pines,
Singing old beloved songs
Which no one cares for any more.
I have incorporated both in the following. It is but a rough draft and may appear disjointed at first glance.
alpha and omega
connected wires field in the storm
howling winds almost rip at ears drums
day hides into startling night of doom
enhancing the unknown apprehension
lightning strikes with such suddenness
taking me by surprise. complacent gone
I listen to the old love songs being sung
by gusts of wind to the swaying pines.
envious of those, assailed by melancholy
I kick out at the table stubbing my toes.
howling like the wind, I hobble around
giving a loud voice to choicest of curses.
my eyes fall on a doll long forgotten
discarded now. turbulent weather is
perfect to revisit childhood memories.
ragged doll, a silent bystander to all
alpha and omega of my early years
offers comfort for a second, only so..
I like the last one the best, though I'm having trouble putting my finger on why. Something about it just resonates.
ReplyDeleteThis will be a good poem - lots of music and the past. Nice start!
ReplyDeleteI get a sense that the one in the poem has learned a sacred truth right after she stubs her toe.
ReplyDeleteNice writing!
xo
Gillian
Turbulent weather is perfect for memories, how true! Why is that?
ReplyDeleteso many of us today were doing reflective pieces.. i wonder what it was about these three words that brought all of the memories to the surface......
ReplyDeleteexcellent piece....
How did you manage to bring two into one? I agree there are some lovely thoughts expressed.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of the alpha and omega of childhood--I've written before about when childhood ends. This has a wonderful feel. Happy to see you on Thursday TOP.
ReplyDeletehttp://collectingmythoughts.blogspot.com/2007/10/4230-totally-optional-prompts-alumni-of.html
would love to see this again when you've taken it to the next level - there are some wonderful images here. I especially like
ReplyDelete"I listen to the old love songs being sung
by gusts of wind to the swaying pines"
This is beautiful, I really enjoyed reading it. I especially loved
ReplyDelete"I listen to the old love songs being sung by gusts of wind to the swaying pines"
Christy
I like it too. The first stanza is so powerful. I like the italized words. --Robin (WITS)
ReplyDelete" turbulent weather is
ReplyDeleteperfect to revisit childhood memories"
actually kind of haunted me as I read it.. nice piece.
Sometimes, I get this feeling when I look at a an object or a little bit of green things growing in a bit of dirt and I get this feeling I have never been able to adequately describe...connectedness, awe, deep sadness, pleasure...and I got it when I read this poem. Great job GT
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful? You brought together one of the strongest images in storm and the innocence of a child's memories. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day.
Michelle
Melancholy is one of the most beautiful moods, Gautami, and your depth is always so evident.
ReplyDeleteMelancholy requires depth, and the two are inseperable. I loved your reference to the doll.
I apologize for being away for so long.
:-)
I've been there with the stubbing the toe! :)
ReplyDeleteWe all encounter a lot of storms during our lifetime. Storms always simplify the reality of our mortality and they do spark growth.
ReplyDeleteWhat I loved about childhood was that weekly encounters with insurmountable obstacles were tempored by matching paradigm shifting discovery. We lose that as we establish limits on our options.
Silent ragged dolls eventually give way to strategic alliances with handpicked friendships that sometimes implode with betrayal and sometimes soar. But your ragged doll, like a loyal, mute, pet, never whispered your deepest secrets to others. You always appreciate the exclusivity that you shared.
Me again! Interesting... I shall be back.
ReplyDelete"I kick out at the table stubbing my toes.
ReplyDeletehowling like the wind, I hobble around
giving a loud voice to choicest of curses"
I enjoyed this stanza - it brought me more fully into the piece. I liked the entire poem though.
I too especially liked the last stanza.
ReplyDeleteMad Kane
I read your poem forwards (top to bottom) and backwards (bottom to top). I think the stanzas work well bottom to top. Consider reversing your order. You have some nice imagery.
ReplyDeletehi, finally found you - 'turbulent weather is perfect to revisit childhood memories' - how thought provoking!
ReplyDeletethis line could itself could be a prompt...
I especially like love songs sung by the wind!
ReplyDeleteI know others have mentioned this line, but it's wonderful and worth mentioning again:
ReplyDeleteturbulent weather is
perfect to revisit childhood memories.
I too was going to mention that line. It's perfect
ReplyDeleteI love the rawness of it. It shows not all memories need to be visited again
ReplyDeleteI like these verses:
ReplyDeleteI listen to the old love songs being sung
by gusts of wind to the swaying pines.
envious of those, assailed by melanchol
hello friend
ReplyDeleteThis is so lovely...I especially liked this:
ReplyDeleteI listen to the old love songs being sung
by gusts of wind to the swaying pines.
envious of those, assailed by melancholy
I also combined music and nature in my poem...
WOW...can I say that again? WOW...You captured the storm ragging outside and within so vividly! Isn't it always that when your world turns dark that EVERYTHING goes wrong at once and the little things just make it worse! Hope the sun comes out soon.
ReplyDelete