Thursday 23 September 2010

Haibun: seedy deeds

A breathe I felt on my neck. A storm within my ear. It roared and slipped into nothing. I chased it to the moon. An invisible shadow. An antithesis of wasteland. I couldn't see it. But feel it, I did. What of it? The purple sky merged into orange and buttons of diamonds danced with glee.

Where had I come? And from where? From the inside of a book, I flew into it, that creature, which can't be scene. A friend, a foe? Flashes of light bursts all over the place. An acrid smell tastes so salty. My tongue burns it out. I turn towards that shadow, just barely visible. A giant bee stings me. I cry out. Chanting curses, I kill it with my voice. And find a golden winged fairy dead at my feet. Weighty issues to tackle now, I burn at the stakes.

seed pearls fall over
ground paves it into you
sky watches with detach

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I don't know if I succeeded in writing a Haibun. But I am glad I tried, thanks to Big Tent Poetry.

24 comments:

  1. I have to say I love the use of homonyms in this one. Very nicely done to spin a dual meaning.

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  2. poetic to the core !! and what a feel to the post :)

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  3. I enjoyed the journey your haibun took me on and imagining the giant bee that was a golden winged fairy.

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  4. The purple sky merged into orange and buttons of diamonds danced with glee

    I love this line! Lots of other great images in here, too!

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  5. I was stung by a fat bee once. Took
    ages to pay off the court costs.
    Mine didn't drop dead and turn into a fairy. It turmed out to be indestructible and gets bigger every time it delivers a sting.I prefer your bee.

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  6. i love the feeling the haiku adds to this! it has power not just b/c it breaks into the prose but b/c of "watches with detach" after we've just been alongside an intense scene.

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  7. Gautami
    A delightful journey.
    Pamela

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  8. It's true that a book can transport us to a different world!

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  9. I feel like you wrote an astounding haibun. Loved it!

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  10. "Chanting curses, I kill it with my voice". There is something you could spend some time playing with. Each word can be inspected. What would the meaning be if this were changed?

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  11. Not a haibun, but good prose and an an interesting verse. In my eyes.

    Best wishes
    Ralf

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  12. I think our poems are the means by which we 'kill' with our voices, or at least do battle with the fears that often hound us. This prompt, for me at this point in time, was a bit like walking the plank and hoping to get swallowed, lol. But, I did eventually manage it. So did you! From one coward to another...Congratulations.

    Elizabeth

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  13. this is one of my favorites this week. I love the journey and I LOVE the haiku. "Sky watches with detach" -- very nice.

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  14. This is dense with images, the fun is picking favorites. Mine is the buttons of diamonds.

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  15. Very dreamy. It asks to be expanded and then made into a fantasy cartoon. The colors need to be cartoon colors.

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  16. You have a way with words!!!Lovely

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  17. I really this this poem. I agree with storm dweller that your use of homonyms was great.

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  18. I felt like I was floating along with you as I read the poem

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  19. you did a nice job on this Gautami....you haves such a wonderful way with words....its always good.....thanks for sharing..take care

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  20. I loved your Big Tent entry.... I was unable to make the prompt work for me. Yours was very imaginative.

    quid

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