Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Packed and Delivered---Totally Optional Prompts

Package arrived in the late afternoon, around lunchtime.
He was glad that there was no one else to see him sign for it
Valentine day was round the corner.
He wanted to surprise here with this particular gift.
What woman could resist the shiny sheen
After thirty-seven years, he knew her inside out, her interests, her likes, dislikes
With the thoughts of giving this mystery gift to her, familiar feelings warmed his insides
He opened the packaged, touched it, admiring the craftsmanship
Held in his hand, swirled it, appreciative of the finishing
He could not wait to get home, see the astonished look in her eyes before she closed it
It was a dream present by any standards

Day passed so slow like dawn ascending from darkness in a rain filled cloudy night
The package burned a hole in his jacket pocket.
Anticipation was almost killing him
Driving with maddening pace, he arrived before the grand party
Turned the key, he felt day light knocked out him
He fell on the creamy tiles, his splattered brains trickling over, colouring those bright red
He was never to know, she had ordered a similar package, containing the slickest of guns.

“She got to him, before he got to her”


  1. I love free verse. But I always want did your mind go to that place? Or was there something that made you want to tell more about a story you already knew?

    I liked it a lot.

    I am adding you to my favorite blogs. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.


  2. Your I promise blogroll list is now up at PWB. Check it out and, if you can, comment on the blogs tommorow. Hope you enjoy this program. It is a nice way to meet more poets.

    Thanks for taking part.

  3. Wow! You kept me guessing right to the last line. I would never have suspected that final twist! Phew!

  4. You blew me away with that ending Gautami.


  5. What a twist!!! He didn't even get to ask what, or why, or maybe he knew... Fantastic!!

  6. This is definately a thriller with a surpise ending, much enjoyed the read.

  7. oh brilliant! you really got to me, played my imagination before I got to you!!! I loved it.

  8. Hey Gautami, for more info on Patchwork Poetry, check this out: Patchwork Thursday

    You're welcome to participate! The more the merrier. Just use lines from the poems offered for this weeks patchwork poem, then create your own.

    Any questions, email me

  9. that was a shocking ending! I thought it was something sweet in that package but oh you surprised me!

  10. that was such a surprise ending indeed! didn't see THAT coming...great writing, gautami, as usual :)

  11. oh i love it!!! what a twist!!!

  12. Brilliant twist at the end, there. Didn't see it coming at all. Kind of a mini-St Valentine's Day Massacre :-)

  13. Great Gautami. mysterious and thrilling it was. Can I also blogroll you?

    Thanks for your neat comments on 'magic', i am a total wannabe writer :)

  14. Wow!!! Talk about a surprise -- I really thought it was a beautiful gift -- great ending!!!

  15. Quite the mystery ending......kerpow!

  16. You got me again! I expected it to be something nice! Excellent teaser!

  17. Great storytelling...Will check out more now..

  18. gosh - that must have been a marriage made in hell! You followed the prompt to a t!

  19. Yeow, creepy, and I was sure it was lingerie. another one of your surprise endings.

  20. wow, what a twist at the end

  21. This poem is a tease!

    But delicious. It may be my general agitation with Valentine's Day, but I promptly fell in love with this poem. I reread it about four times, re-checking for some clue as to what the mystery present was.

    I am particularly fond of the quick twist ending. Lingering on the death, I think, would have made the impact less. The startled response is still present at the end of the poem.

    Well done!