Friday, 11 January 2008

see you? I don't think so---Friday 5/Friday Fiction

[Fiction] Friday Challenge:

Write a scene that ends with your character saying:
'I never want to see you again.'

Friday 5 words: floss, intense, prey, cease, swallow for January 11, 2008.

holding this way, that way he flosses.
intense pain suddenly cease-
as a tooth has fallen prey
to vigorous brushing.
For a while now, he had been unable
to swallow half chewed food.
he looks at that defenseless tooth.
gleefully throws it into waste bin
shouting at top of his voice,

“I never want to see you again”

23 comments:

  1. Good one! I've never lost a tooth that way, and I'm glad! Michele sent me.

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  2. OUCH!
    THere is nothing like tooth pain

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  3. i have to agree that OUCH is the best response!!!!!

    "swallow it..."

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  4. Oooh, I felt that pain quite viscerally. Richly worded, Gautami. I love how you write!

    Michele does, too, so she sent me (again...sorry!) to see your stuff.

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  5. Thanks for your posting, Gautami.

    Have a good weekend

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  6. Gautami, this is really good. I couldn't help but, laugh at the last line because you built it up so well visually. Thanks for sharing such a delightful but, painful poem. Have a good weekend.

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  7. Gautami - what a great response. I felt the pain!

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  8. His relief is palpable! What a marvellous way to use the last line and words. Well done.

    Michele sent me over to say hi :)

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  9. Scary dental woes. Crossing fingers as I type - good work...

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  10. yikes! not something i'd like to know...

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  11. Too visual for me, grin. Ending was perfect.

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  12. Another one about dental hygiene? I guess reading it is better than experiencing it.

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  13. I felt a huge relief when the narrator got rid of the tooth!

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  14. ah, what a terrific take on the prompt!

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  15. A unique way of story telling Gautami. I like the fervor with which he disposes of the tooth.

    Rose

    xo

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  16. Yowie! That's quite a twist -- I had to read this twice to make sure I was reading it right.

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  17. Ow. Ow ow ow!

    Gautami, I am always amazed at how well you weave poetry from these prompts.

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  18. What a brilliant take on this prompt! I have certainly had other types of things that have caused me pain that I've given triumphant yells over getting rid of. Nicely done as usual.

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  19. "Take it to the doc,
    I guess he ought to know
    Which ones can stay,
    which one gotta go
    He looks in my mouth and
    then he starts to gloat.
    He says me teeth are O.K.
    But my gums got to go!"
    Alice Cooper

    btw
    The average 'American Sentence' is 6 months in the Local Jail and 5 years in a State Prison.
    Good to know.

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  20. Argh - I always over floss - therefore dont do it.

    I'm guessing that the tooth fairy wont be visiting to pop some money under the pillow!

    Fantastic takeon the prompt!

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  21. oh that was very good...i believe we can all relate to that...and that you made me laugh w/pain..

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