you say i have both your attention, your heart
but not appreciative enough about that.
all that I did say? gut wrenching feelings i disguise
with a smile on my lips, no pain showing outside
or reason. loving you mindlessly is no crime
is such that i feel numb? my thoughts drained,
still alive. What will i do, how will i cope?
back. i must seek some answers in life’s book.
i wrote it sometime back when i was in very black mood but haven't got around polishing/editing it. posting it here in the original form i wrote. please feel free to critique....
nice one...
ReplyDeleteGautami...I really like it. Lots of feeling.
ReplyDeleteI liked it very much!
ReplyDeleteAs Don said... lots of feeling!
thanks ghost. you haven't been here for long. welcome back!
ReplyDeletedon: when i wrote it i was in a very emotional, charged state. never came back to edit it as i couldn't do that.. thanks.
samuru999: thanks. am trying to stabilize myself now..
**loving you mindlessly is no crime why do i then feel so sad? why does the pain
ReplyDeleteis such that i feel numb?
cos the love u r giving may not be returned the way it should be...
Keshi.
It's all right.
ReplyDeleteI have returned from fishing.
No critique is necessary for poetry, because it speaks from the individual heart, and who, other than yourself can say what you feel...
ReplyDeleteSometimes, others might not agree, but it is in darkness that we find our light. So creating there is as natural as breathing.
Thanks for visiting me. - Amias
Makes me think of the differences between love and other forms of psychological attachment - not meant, of course, to cast aspersions on any actual relationship you're referring to, just looking at the lines.
ReplyDeletekeshi: why do we want love to be returned? thats not what i meant here. ..
ReplyDeletepercival: i am so glad you are back...dancing with joy..
liquid plastic: i agree. poetry is very personal. we do not need critiques.
i have seen light after the darkness. thats what matters.
darius: well, i don't know how to answer you... maybe you are right...who knows? love has many manifestations...maybe it was not love.. i really don't care any more..
as i said i wrote that long time back..couldn't post it before this. .
I wouldn't change a thing..the heart wants what the heart wants.
ReplyDeleteYou said that you were in a black mood when you wrote this. My neice just returned from a year in India and brought me a movie named BLACK by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Have you seen it? I really liked Amitabh Bachchan is he a big star?
Sounds to me like if you were hiding and disguising gut-wrenching feelings and hurting inside, and pretending not to be hurt by not showing your pain, and returning again and again for more of the same, and feeling sad...
ReplyDelete...that you were giving a whole lot more than you were getting or should have expected to get.
OK, you were in a black mood. But how did you cope? What answers did you need or find in life's book?
But don't forget, I was reacting to the poem-itself - how the lines affected me - and not to any actual relationship of yours, which obviously I don't know anything about and wouldn't dream of "analyzing!"
ReplyDelete