setting about a routine

Writing comes fairly easy for me, especially poetry. Most of the times, I do it unthinkingly, some inkling of what I am going to write coming out of virtually nowhere from the recesses of my mind. It might seem strange as most know that I am a teacher, a mathematics teacher at that, who needs to discipline herself according to the demands of her subject. But when it comes to poetry, no rule is followed. Everything just goes haywire and my minds simply commands me to write. Many might relate to that. And a few might not. That's because some plan their wriing very meticulously. At times I do envy them, at others I simply do what my heart and mind tell me to. Yes, many a times, my heart takes over my writing, giving head a rest.

How do I talk about fresh start in this new year? For me each moment is new, which allows us to renew the way we wish to. Making concrete plan was never one of my virtues, not when it comes to writing. All I know that I need to write everyday, timing does not matter. I usually write from a different perspective of what others thing. I think out of the box. I can't restraint myself in any way, nor in writing or reading. Just as we need healthy food to nurture our bodies, we need diverse, varied thoughts to enrich our mind. Those act as organic food for the well being of our whole body. A healthy mind is the first step towards a healthy body, is it not?

Making resolutions about my writing goals is not really feasible for me. I don't know where it will take me. All I can truly achieve is by writing everyday, which I do. I simply pen down my random thoughts in a prose form in my journal, which might or might not turn into a verse. I am much nearer to stream of consciousness writing. In a way, I thrive in it. That kind of compels me to exercise my brain. Concrete images are very good but those which conjures up different ones, taking us to other directions is what I succeed. No one can always be a good writer. So I don't claim to be one.

Many a times, power of imagination is just round the corner, propelling me to write, to give my best. And that is not only in writing, that can for anything, everything. As I alway say to myself, winning over oneself is what I want. Not over any other human being. The ego has no place in my world. Striving to do my best is what I truly wish for, truly desire. It hardly matters if it is 2009 or any year. What matters is, each moment.

Life in general

What are the areas closest to your heart? What aspects of your life in general do you find yourself sharing in writing? Do you enjoy reading/writing personal essays? Who are some of your favorite essayists?

How do I answer this? I put a lot of myself in my poetry but I seldom reflect on what is going on with my life. Frankly, it is not to keep myself out of bounds but I think my life is too mundane to interest anyone other than myself. A lot of what goes on around me interests me. I feel strongly about many issues, say for one religion, or injustice, child abuse, women empowerment and such.

I write about those in my poetry. I also deal with any tension or my emotions by writing poetry about that, which at times tends to get dark. Without darkness, light has no meaning. I used to read personal essays. Mostly by J Krishnamuthy. It did good to my intellect but it also made snob out of me for a time being.

I discovered that intellectual stimulation can corrupt our mind, albeit in a different way. Now I only think of humanity being above everything else. That one word is my personal essay. Maybe I am not making much sense. Or maybe I am. What do you think?

Fearful of what?

What is it about coming Tuesdays that I have a lot of questions for myself? Mondays are the days, I feel lethargic and tired. Maybe like most, I hate to go to work after Sunday. On Tuesdays, I am supposed to be a little better. Am I really?

Have you ever feared the unknown? Or simply are afraid of the very familiar state you are in? Or just plain scared of nothing? Does it make sense when I ask this? I crave for change. Yet when I have it, I want the previous state back. Why? I want constant change yet I fear it. Why? I used to thrive in it. Confused state of mind, is it not? Lately I have had this feeling of drifting without any direction and purpose. This is one very unsettled state of being. It has gone on for too long. I can't come out of it. Is it depression? Or something else? Why? Am I tired of just being with myself? Or can we call those beautiful fractures of my mind?

I can't pursue the very things I loved to. Like writing poetry or reading or listening to music or sketching. I used to visit book fairs, museums, art exhibitions or simply be a part of a crowded place. Now nothing interests me. I shun all those. Yes, even poetry. Oh, I write but somehow I can't write the way I want to. The way I used to.

I have had death wish, many a times, in the past few weeks. What stops me from going that way? How long is this state going to last? Don't you think two months is a long time? How do I get out of it?

Eventually, I know I will bounce back. The question is, when?

Liberate yourself

Photo Credits: Rick Mobbs


To be free. What does it mean to you? How do you look at it? What is true freedom? I know I am asking the same question in different ways. And I am not here to preach either. Many a times, I simply talk to myself and this is one of those times. You can safely skip this.

For me, to be free means to think about the world. To think and do beyond oneself. To reflect and ponder over things and approach or tackle anything in the best way possible. It is about being unselfish. In today's context, it seems impossible. Majority of us are indeed wrapped up in our own world to look beyond it. True freedom for me means to break that shackle and come out of it. For me, God is not important, religion is not important. However, spirituality is. Humanity is. I do not even believe that you must love your neighbours. I truly believe that first you must love yourself. That too, unselfishly. Only then you are truly be free of everything. Self-love does not mean self-obssessed. It means to respect our own mind, body and soul. Many feel that it is our body, it is our life, we can do what we want. Is it? Should we? If we think this way, are we loving ourselves? I suppose, we all need to answer that question. We, only we, can truly answer that. We can hide away from the world but can we escape ourselves? At the end of the day, we have to face ourselves in the mirror.

Do I have to follow a faith or believe in God to perceive it this way? Answering for myself, I say no. As I see it, religion does more harm than good. Nothing can get worse than blind faith. Follow the goodness in your heart. Let your soul show you the path. You won't be needing anyone other than yourself to guide you. That is true freedom, ultimate liberation.