Sunday 23 October 2011

stalker

Lee Friedlander, from America by Car




















inside my car I sleep on the wheel
(don't worry, the car is stationary)
my head rolling after hours of driving
I am totally rusted out
can't you make it out from my glaze
which the clouds can't hide
I parked it in a crowded place
buildings all around
I dragged my feet too long over you
now my mind nods to for me to stalk you
my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
I simply don't care about what is right
I don't wish to build bridges
or straighten my act any more
I am just too stretched out

"you want a new beginning
I will give you that in a gilded cage,
limber up your mind to be a prisoner"

30 comments:

  1. its scary that i can identify! ha ha great writing, though!

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  2. i am totally rusted out...ha, nice way to put it...kay also pointed out another great line as well...i like...

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  3. "my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge"

    This guy is what we call 'on the edge' - you've drawn him so that we feel that one little push will take him to crime or death.

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  4. everyone have said it... nice take! love it!

    JJRod'z

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  5. disturbing, how the mind rationalizes what it wants to do, nice write

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  6. Gautami, this gives me the chills. Well wordled!

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  7. You do capture a menace lurking in this photo.

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  8. A chilling and amazing poem. Nicely written.

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  9. Good use of the wordle words.

    I particularly liked....

    "my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
    I simply don't care about what is right
    I don't wish to build bridges
    or straighten my act any more"

    Nicely done!

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  10. Very effective; as above, many do reach that point. I've acted on it before, and it's so destructive. Well written!

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  11. Gautami, excellent use of the words. Chilling story.

    Pamela

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  12. Nice write, scary. I wonder if a latent stalker doesn't lie in most of us - there's that need to know...
    my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge - brilliant!

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  13. Frightening portrait of obsession's destination, Gautami. Well written.

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  14. You told the story of the picture very well - felt like I was there.

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  15. stalkerish, chilling scene...

    nice one ~

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  16. Wow, so well written. One really feels the fellow "on the edge". Perfect fit with the image. So well done, and a bit scary.

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  17. wear out better than rusted out.

    awesome usage of words and image.
    Thanks for linking.

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  18. I would have to be desperate and glazed to stalk someone in tight spaces, I like your take on it though.Thanks

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  19. Oh, what a powerful piece this is. So enjoyed it!

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  20. Of course I love your phrase "totally rusted out"...

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  21. beautiful surprises on the prompt, mind needs to limber up too.

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  22. Great use of the (disguised) wordle words.

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  23. my head rolling after hours of driving
    I am totally rusted out


    reread it, love the lines, a fabulous magpie,

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  24. Obsession stalks your words. :) You captured a universal feeling with your use of rusted out. Brilliant

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  25. Sounds as though revenge is on the cards...

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  26. That's powerful. You really immerse yourself in the situation.

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