Tuesday 4 October 2011

no song, this is?!

Away to the Sky by beloavaan at deviantART
with a muddled brain
I jumped from the roof
(gravity worked strange)
I landed on top of a cloud

when a giant bird pushed me again
I found some balloons
I stilled my heart, bent my ears
became a blind bird

no one wrote a song for me
or spoke about me
I now move over castles
waiting for a free fall

'when I kick you with my weightless feet,
all will know you killed me'

26 comments:

  1. Very nice. That last line is a killer.

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  2. whew...chilling closing line...

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  3. Very intense last line, loved it.

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  4. I agree, that last line was like a punch that came out of nowhere.
    A great write.

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  5. Thought provoking imagery with a killer of a closing line. The last line felt more like a twist so it was all the more effective.

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  6. Way to flip the readers mind back and forth like a pancake on a hot grill. Very surreal. Enjoyed the way your mind works here.

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  7. the picture caught my breath and your
    poem snatched it back.

    beautifully surreal.

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  8. this poem is intense but wonderfully done to the poem. the last line sums it all.

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  9. Oh, this is so very beautiful.. jumping from the roof and landing on a cloud...I have stopped to expect any think less than what you write always on your page Gautami..

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  10. Definitely different. Well done with a horrible prompt to make a beautiful poem!

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  11. Another for the 'last line' well done!

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  12. Strange but evocative images that you traced with feathers and clouds! A wonder poem recipe.

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  13. The third stanza is quite something, yes.

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  14. Guatami, I personally believe this is one of the finest poems I have read on your blog. This is a magnificent piece of imagination and poetic interpretation. I love it. I believe you have found your stride, now strut your stuff girl.
    Regards,
    Don

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  15. Surreal poetry at its best; very imaginative and chilling in the end. Excellent work.

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  16. Gravity, indeed, works strange. That third stanza, after the dream imagery, is a heart-breaker.

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  17. Gave me the chills, this poem! For 2 reasons..
    1: I was thinking about gravity and weightlessness just today morning..
    and 2: that last line - absolute stunner!!! A power packed punch that was!

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  18. lizessonHello Gautami.....love the imagery of another wonderful poem ...thanks for sharing this

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  19. such a great ending and this poem is very chilling well done
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/04/memories/

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  20. Nice, fanciful. I like the idea of jumping from a roof to land on a cloud - a much softer landing for sure than the ground.

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  21. what a thrilling ride,
    profound imagery.

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  22. Very cool poem! I could hear this as a song actually. I agree with the other posters that the last lines are chilling and especially powerful.

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  23. Nice write... Great last line.

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  24. kind of sad, almost like there is no hope to be rescued.

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