Sunday 16 October 2011

hanging my head

broken feet, with no skin
I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us
I wish for a burst of energy
that topples over the brink
may the bolt drop on these girls
may they drown in the shallows of some river
a shame I know
but do they deserve any better?

"putrid flesh has the power to preach-
just you see, just you see"

31 comments:

  1. Gautami, your writing haunts me.

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  2. Great write, Gautami. I love the darkness in this one.

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  3. Very good, instinctively direct.

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  4. Powerful juxtaposition of images with forgiving them for dancing, yet calling the bolt down upon them! Which will it be? I think I know!

    My Whirl

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  5. Great poem Gautami, and as a fellow Tree-Hugger,
    Thanks for commenting on my Sunday Tree last week. I’ve posted a new ‘Tree’ and would like to invite you to write something in response to it – or to one of the earlier tress. The post can be found here:
    http://writteninexile.blogspot.com/2011/10/sunday-trees-experimental-tree.html
    Best wishes, Isabel

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  6. Overwhelming feelings, a mix of hate, vengeance and forgiveness!!

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  7. Such vicious, pent up emotions are on the brink of bursting! A tension of poetic drama!

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  8. I, also, like the tension in this.

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  9. Strong and deep. Conclusion very powerful...whew!

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  10. Gautami, dark and haunting poem. Excellent use of the words.

    Pamela

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  11. Strong and dark, like good coffee.

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  12. amazing.
    lovely usage of wordle words.

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  13. amazing.
    lovely usage of wordle words.

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  14. Some part of your poem sounds as if you may admire the hoop wearing,
    life affirming sisters and another part sounds a tad envious.

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  15. I like this a lot..from working on this prompt it has made me consider becoming a vegetarian...this a fine tale of revenge

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  16. 'do they deserve any better' - An intriguing piece!

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  17. I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
    these girls wear hoops
    I forgive them for dancing around us

    CLEVER write! I really like it.

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  18. Dead meat inspires dark thoughts...

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  19. Powerful, haunting writing, Gautami!

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  20. Powerful and beautiful .... I am delighted the Universe brought you to me and I to you :)

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  21. Wonderfully evocative Gautami. You have so many voices and each one is weilded with depth and integrity.

    Elizabeth

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  22. Such honesty in this one - we do long to forgive, yet some part of us still wants revenge. Which part wins both reveals and shapes who we are.

    Well written.

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  23. Intriguing. What a swirl of emotions you've packed into this!

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  24. There is a lot in this one which I find disturbing and yet fascinating. Haunting indeed.

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  25. Dark, really cool flow. Well pennned.

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  26. Hello.
    Masterfully done...even with the dark undercurrent!

    Thanks for sharing Gautami.

    Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes

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