Saturday, 15 January 2011

Thigh story (25 words, 160 characters)

His single kidney split into two.
Hissing.
Flowed on his thighs.
Yellowed.
Dried, his thighs look like the lottery ticket.
Don't eat your pretzels from it.

27 comments:

  1. Your Centus made my kidney hurt..I love your originality.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yes, I cringed a little. UGH. Nice take on this!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Poor guy!
    (Not even thinking of pretzels at the moment)
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. That single kidney splitting - he has lost the lottery. Riveting! Here's my lottery ticket.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very clever and I did like the way you say things in a few words but with deep insights. Well done and good day.

    Your words conveys deep meaning.

    You can find my words in the poetry world at http://www.cesargealogo.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. very interesting take on this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I cringe with a sense of lost hope.~Ames

    ReplyDelete
  9. yikes

    that was kinda visceral

    And i liked it.

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now that's an original take!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sounds great! But I don't understand it! Original thinking! A little gory perhaps. I'm not sure that I want to know what this poem means. Some things are best left as they are!

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    Anna's SC#37-The lottery ticket

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can always count on you for an original, thought provoking Centus. The image of the kidney splitting, hissing - really nicely done. Kat

    ReplyDelete
  13. Quite the picture you painted there...yikes!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow, that brought quite the image to mind!
    Pamela

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice work with the concrete, if unpleasant, images. It makes me feel a great sense of loss, and I marvel at your ability to say so much in so few words.

    Great post..........cj

    ReplyDelete
  16. the imagery is something else ... what an interesting take!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You take us on such an interesting journey in so few words. I appreciate it.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  18. dont dip your chip in it...eww...lol. it does make my kidney hurt...

    ReplyDelete
  19. I will have to think on this one lol.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ack! Most definitely wouldn't eat pretzels or anything else off that surface. Thanks for playing along with the Sunday 160.

    ReplyDelete
  21. wow...

    watch out...
    striking words..well played.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Powerful. Guess I'll be chewing on this one all week...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Eow.. (cringing and wincing)
    A very tight write though!

    (I am kinda glad I am not a fan of pretzels) :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. A certain Haiku quality to this...nice...Peace and blessings

    ReplyDelete
  25. Amazing how grossed out you made so many of us in only 25 words.

    That is some well-done micro-fiction.

    Thanks for linking.

    ReplyDelete