why are you dressed as a tatterdemalion
slyly slinking behind chrome-plated drains
escaping torrential rains hiding in the alleys,
you who lived on the valley in a big villa
are depleting it of memories, sacred to whom save you?
you sold the antiquated doors and now scour floors
sweep the courtyards where even now ghost
of tribal artifacts weep. who really aligned those
in that abandoned house now totally lie untouched.
Yet at night in the moonlight uncivil guards curse
screaming obscenities at you.what do you do when you
are lost in meditation. still your pride resurfaces,
cutting deep into you. meanwhile you try tenuously
to hold on unforgettable words which you only you
scavenged out of rot. Seems like you took a shot
at living life to the full again, unaffected
by your poor, beggarly, ruggamuffin state, which I had
known was fake, a eyeswash to others for your own sake.
This is powerful - with an important message we all should heed.
ReplyDeleteHi Gautami, I like the way you got all those words in there and still made it tick!
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, great story.
ReplyDeleteMakes one want to know more about the story of the 'you' of the poem.
it is amazing, the way you made it work...strong images, vivid, and the sensation of loss.
ReplyDelete"you sold the antiquated doors and now scour floors
sweep the courtyards where even now ghost
of tribal artifacts weep"
like here...(great lines)
I like the mystery of it all- it's like we've jumped into a story 2/3s of the way through.
ReplyDeletegautami -
ReplyDeletethis is rich, wonderfully layered, and wholly captivating... sharp as a beautiful knife! ;)
Strong piece of truth! Well done...
ReplyDeletethere's quite a story in these few lines, and a powerful one, too.
ReplyDeleteOh, you did such a good job with this! I totally did it wrong. Love yours!
ReplyDeleteAfter the pride - the fall. Fortunately we don't all have to learn this lesson quite so emphatically.
ReplyDelete"you who lived on the valley in a big villa
ReplyDeleteare depleting it of memories"
there's something about this - I love it.
I'm impressed with how you used all the words!
ReplyDeleteThere's great internal rhyme here. Was is difficult to get such a strong narrative element? Good work.
ReplyDeleteone of your best, gautami!
ReplyDeletepowerful lines, and great imagery.
Good work. Good message.
ReplyDeleteUnbeliavable. I thought about how to mingle all those words but nothing came out. kudos to you.
ReplyDeleteA.
Powerful and pure, Gautami. It sounds very personal.
ReplyDeleteVivid and like your attention to the sound of the words.
ReplyDelete