Wednesday, 7 January 2009

poem in draft-----somebody watching you

suddenly you experience fear
looking around you seek that source
thinking what schemes set about
false feelings of true panic
where nothing seems postive

unaware that
from unknown peepholes
someone stares at you
without any fear of discovery
overhead from the elevators;
or mesh between two closets-

it pricks from undergrounds too;
in the labyrinth of pipes
under those
crowed highways
he keeps himself hidden
with much deception

he might be your neighbour
one of your best mates yet
creeping into your life
possesing a perverted mind,
filled with sadistic streak


  1. this is quite heavy with emotion. You feel the weight of what's going on in this person's thought process.

  2. Interesting (it is paranoid or real?)

  3. There's a great snese of paranoia in this.

  4. Forgive the typo. The computer must be conspiring against me.
    Paranoid, or what?!!! :-)

  5. Scary, chilling and feels like non-fiction. Good work!!

  6. That is really creepy.
    I am sorry but I have to ask you a few questions for the report..
    quite routine I assure you.

    Do you remember the first instance that your personal space felt violated?

    Can you think of any reason that a co-worker or relative may be holding a grudge? Have you recently received an unwarranted promotion or won a ridiculous sum of money at the casino?

    Have you recently dissolved a corporation and paid yourself an exhorbitant golden parachute?

    Finally, were you involved in a romantic relationship with a sociopathic anarchist that ended poorly?

  7. yes, this can happen- sometimes from a "her" rather than a "him" :)

  8. I think I agree with Andrew, Gautami

    I myself watch the moves of people so closely...ofcourse try to do it without them knowing the slightest..

    that forms the basis of my understanding the ways of the world..

    Writers are used to doing that, i feel


  9. donn, you finally found time to visit your best mate in India?


    Maybe it was you who is watching me..!

    In a serious tone: here I speak about sick, perverted, sadistic people. There is no dearth of those in our personal lives or even in the web world.

    Creepy, won't you say? But then, you won't!

  10. This is creepy, you've caught your reader's attention, and I'm sure have some checking around. Great piece. (you're welcome for the link, and thank you for your great comments).

  11. This is scary and very much in tune with the times in which we're living.


  12. or even CCTV. They are watching you everywhere. Big Brother!

    Great poem Gautami :o)

  13. strange...not sure if the subject of the poem is schizophrenic or if the stalking is true, which makes it all the more ominous...

  14. Wow Tami, this is powerful words. It makes me want to look over my shoulder. The images alone are frightful and leaves one with an uneasy feel.
    Great stuff and well written my friend.
    Thanks for adding me to Monday Poetry Train blog roll.

    love, Melanie-bd

  15. Scary to think about! I hope nobody's got you under surveillance (not sure if I spelt it right) You present this phobia well!

  16. I think Thom has it right. Very heavy. I feel a loss of breath by the end.

    On another note, thank you for the constructive criticism. After having read it again, I realize my piece could certainly use some editing.

  17. yes.. we are being watched... eerie feeling do come at times to us, but the biggest watcher-over-us is th inside of our minds, the subconscious!

  18. this is more probing, deep into the mind.

    lets have tea shall we?

  19. This reminds me of a book I saw the other day The Science of Fear: Why We Fear the Things We Shouldn't — and Put Ourselves in Greater Danger (pub. July 2008, Dan Gardner).

    This poem could make a nice accompaniment.

  20. Would be an awful way to live, looking over your shoulder.

  21. things like that can make one paranoid... well done

  22. hmmm the dark side... another great one!!!

  23. Or, just a possibility, a faint one: an unbiased observer!?:)

  24. mmm...this is incredible, that happened to me, only to discover I'm the threat...;)

  25. This gave me goosebumps! It's true; we never really know our neighbors or even strangers, for that matter. I'll be looking over my shoulder all day!


  26. This is creepy, more so because it can happen to anyone!!!beautifully said and very deep

  27. I agree with the rest... creepy. I guess you did your job if you made our skin crawl a bit, though. :-)

  28. Love the atmosphere...and great use of the prompts!

  29. The beating heart of the is poem is so in-line with the fear that seems to be prevalent throughout the world. We aren't sure what is lurking but it must certainly be something bad! Well done.

  30. There have been times when everyone thinks of what others must think of them. This feeling is never good.
    I certainly hope my friends and family realize I am there for them at the dining table to give a hug and hold thir hands when they go thru such thoughts.


  31. emotionally charged and creepy but I think you want the reader to feel that

    were those words highlighted for a prompt or your choice?

  32. I read this when you first posted it, then got distracted and didn't comment...but I thought it was interesting, and well done. You use language so well.