I walked out of that grave
balancing my lithe body
it has been long I came out of it
that musty smell was getting at me
I could never get hold of anything
in that vacant emptiness
when I materialised in front of you,
hope I didn't offend you
"your shocked reaction was reward enough for me"
Excellently creepy.
ReplyDeletedreamy quality to it, I think. Not so much creepy. I like it, doesn't read forced.
ReplyDeleteI thought of it as a playfully dark piece.
ReplyDeleteCreepy, but fun, too.
ReplyDeletewonder if this is how all ghosts feel?
ReplyDeleteIt doesnt read forced at all (saw you mention that in the comments)
ReplyDeleteit is as striking as all your pieces are!
A great work!
I like how the shocked reaction is a reward! Makes it sound kind of playful.
ReplyDeletespooky but not scary! Is it okay if I hate it just a little that your "forced" writing is still so wonderful?
ReplyDeleteI understand what it feels like though when you make yourself write even though "it" whatever it is - isn't there. Still, good disicpline to write anyway.
I agree with thom I think it was great. Look forward to reading you again next week. I'm posted also just follow the link below.
ReplyDeleteThe Ballerina
That sense of catching someone and startling them... perfect. We all like it when we catch someone. by your poem, I guess it is a quality we still enjoy on the other side.
ReplyDeleteDark, but not at all creepy or scary. Nice atmosphere...
ReplyDeleteA fine, flowing piece of writing, the 'shocked reaction' closing it nicely. Well done!
ReplyDeleteIt would be difficult to find a comfortable grave, I think! Scarier yet to flit back and forth. Interesting piece, for sure!
ReplyDeleteThis was great, something a little different from what I normally read from you. This flowed elequently yet still gave me the delicious feel of the creeps.
ReplyDeleteI liked this. It started off potentially creepy or sad, but that last line made me laugh.
ReplyDelete